I listened to this podcast yesterday. Thought it might be worth sharing here.
Main take is that emotions are like a compass. You can either resist them: pushing them away and avoid feeling them, releasing the throughout expression (those little cries), reframing them and attach meaning to them or sit down with the feelings and actually process them.
There is a lot of work to discover within oneself. Be gentle on yourself and take your time to unpack what’s going on! The fact that you reach out means you are already on that way. 💪🏻👊🏻
As I write this am on the bus going towards home from bjj. I always feel welcome at the dojo. Despite serious shoulder issues I fit in well. I have yet to hear any so called "straight people talk at the dojo. They may talk about errands after bjj or getting something to eat but unlike meetfighters, there are no egos, no age bigotry, no racism noe economic bigotry. Keep training?
I believe social anxiety is a problem for all gay ppl! I dont know about you, but I suffered bullying and I was rejected a longe time of my life (still nowadays). Im used to it nowadays but when im in a new enviroment, with new ppl, i dont feel confortable at all. Specially if the place is full of straight guys. Turns out that bjj is this place lol. I always was well welcomed by all of ppl, but i really dont feel Im part of it.
When i went tô championship, i always compared myself with the other guys and thought: Im not like them… Theres a huge difference…
Now, Im not currently training because bjj brought me some injuries, but i feel those feelings at my new work. They dont get Along too much with me because they are naturally straight, the things they talk about, the way they think… is way too different. Furthermore, I’ve always been and introspective person which makes all even worse.
That’s it. It’s hard to be a gay ppl in this world hahaha. Hope you enjoy your bjj journey because it’s an awesome sport! Meet fighters is a great community though! I love this project.
Training BJJ has a lot of ups and downs, lots of little wins and kisses; and it can involve a lot of complicated feelings around vulnerability/power/friendship etc. It's also physically strenuous and might exhaust your body or create hormonal flushes. These could all be reasons for the feelings after practice. For the first two, just try to breathe through it and let the feelings happen. You don't need to understand where they come from. For the latter, you didn't say anything about how you train, but just a guess, try to focus on technique instead of going balls to the wall every day. One day focus on flow rolling, another day focus on moving a lot, another day focus on winning every round. But don't do really hard rounds very often, and be picky about who you do then with. This will also help you be a better training partner and fit in better. It will also help you not trigger your fight or flight instinct when rolling or drilling, which causes hormonal dumps that you have to process later. Being a fresh white belt is tough. In some ways it's impossible to not be spazzy. You just don't know what to do.
Socially adjusting to a gym is tough too. But you'll get better and learn to be a better training partner and you will also just deepen your relationships with your team mates.
Heyyy soooooo not to be a debby downer in this post but I don’t know who else to turn to about this.. so what better way than to dump it all in one big topic for everyone to see?! :)
I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve begun training brazilian Jiu Jitsu since the end of march. I’ve gotten to grips with it, gelled it in with my work schedule and even achieved my first ever tag after sticking to it for three months.
Through this journey, I’ve noticed something about myself. After practice recently, whether it’s been a good session or a bad one, I have felt overwhelmed- in a sense that I kind of want to have a little cry. I’m also by myself a lot of the time in the day so it feels even sadder to be crying alone. I don’t know what I’m upset about, I don’t know why I feel this way especially after training, and I end up feeling silly about it afterwards.
In addition, I have noticed how socially anxious I have become. I pretty much know all the guys and gals that attend training by this point, and I still feel anxious about rolling/drilling/sparring with any of them. In fact I often find myself being the last to find someone to practice with, and even when I do find someone I feel like I’m the problem.
Furthermore, I’m pretty sure it’s gotten worse through my work. I work in hospitality so the need to put on a smiley face every time I greet a customer is pretty much instinct. However, I’ve noticed that I get annoyed when a customer is sat in my section, and when it’s a busy service I feel as though I’m letting my team down or that I can’t keep up with the rest of my colleagues.
The last point is more of a problem that I should raise with my manager 😂 but I turn the floor over to everyone here- how do I overcome this overwhelming feeling? By extension, how can I improve my social anxiety so I feel more confident in training?
Thank you all for reading :) (whether you respond or not) on a more lighter note I am finding the fun in jiu jitsu the more I show up to training. I walk away with some minor injuries every time but I feel like that’s gonna happen regardless 😂
On a serious note though congratulations this sport is HARD.
I think your system is struggling with a lot going on, rolls are hard, your body is pushing out a lot of effort and Brian chemistry goes wild from endorphins to oxytocin, what your experiencing is nothing I’ve not heard of before.
I have a carpenter friend at my gym who while he knows everyone and is well liked has had several anxiety attacks before class despite being a competent grappler and good man.
I think it’s ok to decompress and even cry if it’s your systems way of releasing any pressure, my particular systems way is I’m grinning like a Cheshire Cat because win or lose I feel like a million bucks, but when I started I was anxious to begin with and would panic if I didn’t have a training partner.
I think this will pass as you slowly adapt, perhaps see if you can find someone post class for a chat to decompress the sparring / training and allow the energy it’s release that way?
DavidVdw (157 )
8/10/2025 9:34 AMI listened to this podcast yesterday. Thought it might be worth sharing here.
Main take is that emotions are like a compass. You can either resist them: pushing them away and avoid feeling them, releasing the throughout expression (those little cries), reframing them and attach meaning to them or sit down with the feelings and actually process them.
There is a lot of work to discover within oneself. Be gentle on yourself and take your time to unpack what’s going on! The fact that you reach out means you are already on that way. 💪🏻👊🏻
BJJWrestlerLasVegas (18 )
8/09/2025 5:47 AMAs I write this am on the bus going towards home from bjj. I always feel welcome at the dojo. Despite serious shoulder issues I fit in well. I have yet to hear any so called "straight people talk at the dojo. They may talk about errands after bjj or getting something to eat but unlike meetfighters, there are no egos, no age bigotry, no racism noe economic bigotry. Keep training?
LVCAS (34 )
8/07/2025 12:04 PMI believe social anxiety is a problem for all gay ppl! I dont know about you, but I suffered bullying and I was rejected a longe time of my life (still nowadays). Im used to it nowadays but when im in a new enviroment, with new ppl, i dont feel confortable at all. Specially if the place is full of straight guys. Turns out that bjj is this place lol. I always was well welcomed by all of ppl, but i really dont feel Im part of it.
When i went tô championship, i always compared myself with the other guys and thought: Im not like them… Theres a huge difference…
Now, Im not currently training because bjj brought me some injuries, but i feel those feelings at my new work. They dont get Along too much with me because they are naturally straight, the things they talk about, the way they think… is way too different. Furthermore, I’ve always been and introspective person which makes all even worse.
That’s it. It’s hard to be a gay ppl in this world hahaha. Hope you enjoy your bjj journey because it’s an awesome sport! Meet fighters is a great community though! I love this project.
Thanks for reading 😉
Justinl87 (3)
8/07/2025 7:46 AMTraining BJJ has a lot of ups and downs, lots of little wins and kisses; and it can involve a lot of complicated feelings around vulnerability/power/friendship etc. It's also physically strenuous and might exhaust your body or create hormonal flushes. These could all be reasons for the feelings after practice. For the first two, just try to breathe through it and let the feelings happen. You don't need to understand where they come from. For the latter, you didn't say anything about how you train, but just a guess, try to focus on technique instead of going balls to the wall every day. One day focus on flow rolling, another day focus on moving a lot, another day focus on winning every round. But don't do really hard rounds very often, and be picky about who you do then with. This will also help you be a better training partner and fit in better. It will also help you not trigger your fight or flight instinct when rolling or drilling, which causes hormonal dumps that you have to process later. Being a fresh white belt is tough. In some ways it's impossible to not be spazzy. You just don't know what to do.
Socially adjusting to a gym is tough too. But you'll get better and learn to be a better training partner and you will also just deepen your relationships with your team mates.
Justinl87 (3)
8/07/2025 7:59 AM(In reply to this)
*wins and losses.
Suffoc801 (14 )
8/06/2025 11:20 PMHeyyy soooooo not to be a debby downer in this post but I don’t know who else to turn to about this.. so what better way than to dump it all in one big topic for everyone to see?! :)
I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve begun training brazilian Jiu Jitsu since the end of march. I’ve gotten to grips with it, gelled it in with my work schedule and even achieved my first ever tag after sticking to it for three months.
Through this journey, I’ve noticed something about myself. After practice recently, whether it’s been a good session or a bad one, I have felt overwhelmed- in a sense that I kind of want to have a little cry. I’m also by myself a lot of the time in the day so it feels even sadder to be crying alone. I don’t know what I’m upset about, I don’t know why I feel this way especially after training, and I end up feeling silly about it afterwards.
In addition, I have noticed how socially anxious I have become. I pretty much know all the guys and gals that attend training by this point, and I still feel anxious about rolling/drilling/sparring with any of them. In fact I often find myself being the last to find someone to practice with, and even when I do find someone I feel like I’m the problem.
Furthermore, I’m pretty sure it’s gotten worse through my work. I work in hospitality so the need to put on a smiley face every time I greet a customer is pretty much instinct. However, I’ve noticed that I get annoyed when a customer is sat in my section, and when it’s a busy service I feel as though I’m letting my team down or that I can’t keep up with the rest of my colleagues.
The last point is more of a problem that I should raise with my manager 😂 but I turn the floor over to everyone here- how do I overcome this overwhelming feeling? By extension, how can I improve my social anxiety so I feel more confident in training?
Thank you all for reading :) (whether you respond or not) on a more lighter note I am finding the fun in jiu jitsu the more I show up to training. I walk away with some minor injuries every time but I feel like that’s gonna happen regardless 😂
Thanks again everyone :)
Centaur (108 )
8/07/2025 8:09 AM(In reply to this)
Hey! Well done for joining the cult! ;)
On a serious note though congratulations this sport is HARD.
I think your system is struggling with a lot going on, rolls are hard, your body is pushing out a lot of effort and Brian chemistry goes wild from endorphins to oxytocin, what your experiencing is nothing I’ve not heard of before.
I have a carpenter friend at my gym who while he knows everyone and is well liked has had several anxiety attacks before class despite being a competent grappler and good man.
I think it’s ok to decompress and even cry if it’s your systems way of releasing any pressure, my particular systems way is I’m grinning like a Cheshire Cat because win or lose I feel like a million bucks, but when I started I was anxious to begin with and would panic if I didn’t have a training partner.
I think this will pass as you slowly adapt, perhaps see if you can find someone post class for a chat to decompress the sparring / training and allow the energy it’s release that way?