Hey! I'm an antisocial borderline narcissist, sharing a dark & martial berserker vibe. I'm a skin- & metalhead, who's romantically gay but on the asexual spectrum, while having some sort of asexual agonophilia.

I'm looking for pragmatic real-life MMA/NHB training & sparring sessions with preferably, but not mandatorily, men around my age & size. I don't have real formal training, train strictly at home or outdoors & for fun, but I'm trying to get the most out of what's individually possible considering my overall circumstances. Since I'm most likely neurodivergent - I'm only diagnosed with ADHD, but I probably have AuDHD, or if not, there's at the very least an overlap - this is something that should be considered before writing to me. In any case, I have issues with sensory overload & social anxiety, & am neither mobile nor able to travel. I also can't really host people, so I'm only able to offer outdoor training at my exact location with people who may be able to get by. Although I'm not really capable of typical affective empathy, I have a lot of cognitive empathy. My brain often works like a machine on a meta-level, meaning I communicate in an upfront, honest, & authentic way. In communications, I do require high info density without subtext or reading between the lines. My physical training routine is completely autonomous & solo at home. It includes calisthenics/bodyweight/explosivity/mobility training & axe or weapon/tool training, as well as occasional heavy hammer & weighted vest workouts. My other hobbies mostly consist of meditation, gaming & watching movies/series, but I also enjoy swimming, wellness, going for a walk & going to the sauna.

I'm nowadays looking for sparring partners for technical, realistic, light-to-medium MMA/NHB- & basic self-defense training. No unregulated street fighting & zero ego stuff. Sparring sessions could theoretically become harder & somewhat competitive with the right person over time, but my main goal is risk-free self-improvement. Despite my asexual agonophilia & past history with highly emotional ego brawls, I'm not looking for anything fetish-related. It surely is a motivation for my training & the reason why I enjoy fighting in the first place, but it's not what I want to structure my meetings around. Most importantly, I'm also not looking for online friendships & meaningless conversations which won't lead to a real meeting. On the other hand, I also don't like talking to highly paranoid people who confuse my need to have a functional chat with high info density for being fake. I need someone I can connect to, who makes me feel like it's safe to meet them without needing any antisocial or narcissistic defenses. For me, this is simply how I filter whether someone is reliable, trustworthy & compatible for my goal of having safe MMA/NHB sparring/training sessions or not.

My psychological background is a somewhat intact borderline personality organization that's partly overwritten by a "Malignant" Core, which presents itself in an anxious-avoidant & schizoid way. To be fully honest, having regular functional sparring sessions is the absolute baseline requirement for any deeper contact because I do need some functional benefit in order to want to communicate regularly. Kinetic intensity acts as a regulation tool against my internal tension coming from the structural mix of ADHD, Borderline, "Malignant Narcissism" & asexual agonophilia. Asexual agonophilia is not a classic BDSM fetish & doesn't have any sexual or kink-related subtext, meaning that everyone who's projecting a classic domination fetish or typical sexuality onto me will most likely be disappointed. What I'm going through is a literal addiction to the adrenaline, intensity, & survival instinct triggered by combat. In order to process my inner dynamics, I practice a functional "berserkergang" as a method of sublimation. I have the cognitive flexibility to split functional pagan mythology from my objective agnostic/atheist mindset. My agonophilic interest is mostly based on MMA/NHB & total no rules fights, but I most likely wouldn't consider doing a total no rules fight in real life anymore & I'm not interested in external fantasy other than games, movies, series & martial arts or fight videos.

Do not approach me for empty small talk, online roleplay, or fantasy chats. If you write me, present your exact real-life location, fitness/training level, identity (face pictures), & literal intentions right off the bat. For those who want more info about me, I offer a huge blog which I've been writing on for quite some time, alongside social links & some YouTube community posts. Since my blog is basically a chronological assembly station, there's a log of progression & contradicting information, so it's important to mentally add more weight to my profile & most recent entries. For those who are interested, I also have a YouTube playlist where I occasionally & somewhat regularly add training videos of myself.