Cubbiewrestler's blog

I've said the same man. We now ironically live in an era where, we have a plethora of ways to communicate, yet sadly we don't have communication skills.
It's easier to just ignore someone, or flake than to engage with them. however brief. Some guys may say that we're not entitled to a response, but that's just a cover for poor communication. It's not an entitlement to receive a response from someone you've reached out to. It's common decency and manners. That's definitely become a lost art in today's society. We as a "community" (If there is to be one) definitely need to do better about that, as we are a "niche within a niche". There's nothing wrong or hard with simply saying, "no thank you" or "Thanks for the interest, but I don't think we'll be a match". There is a difference in politely declining, and being a dick (and not the fun kind).
If a guy can't or won't take no for an answer, or has a proven track record of flaking or wasting everyone's time, then move accordingly. But simple interactions shouldn't warrant such dismissal or hostility.
That's my two cents. See you in the ring next month man.

Just show a little politeness! Can’t wait to get ya on the mats!

You are spot on, Cubbie. The mature and decent way of communicating to someone that you are not their cup of tea is quite easy. I use a standard line such as: "I really appreciate your interest, but I don't think we would be a good match." That way, nobody is insulted and you have politely indicated that you wish to pass.

People have gotten WAY too sensitive nowadays about hurting other peoples' feelings. SMH...

Oh, I don’t think they’re worried about hurting anyone’s feelings — people who care about your feelings would be polite.

There’s just been a major generational shift or two which now considers everyone else on the net to be here for their needs and entertainment.

If you don’t meet those needs they just swipe left….

You are exactly right

I feel that! You are right!

Amen, Chubbie! I can feel your pain. I reached out to 7 profiles, only heard back from two. One I finally got a match with and we had a great time. Thought my drought was over, nope. If you reach out to me, if I don’t want to meet you, I will tell you. You keep waiting for a response that will never come!

It’s the worst! :( I’d wrestle ya stud

Amen to that my friend. Even when I ask in a message "Please let me know if you are or are not interested" many times all I hear is crickets chirping.

In a similar vein I have had many many exchanges over the course of days or weeks with guys who say they are all set to meet. I've agreed to travel to then. The the day before we are supposed to meet "POOF!" "Account disabled by owner", or "Member is no longer registered".

If the answer is "No" then just politely say "Not interested". Common decency is not hard.

That’s what I’m saying! Like don’t get my hopes up to ghost me

You shouldn't get any pushback because you are right on the money. Im old school when it comes to communication. If someone says they are not interested and are respectful about it, I am good with that.

I've had a couple of instances where guys have been pretty blunt and rude saying I was too fat or old...whatever. It is what it is.

I will admit there are times where I am pretty bad at getting back to people. Ill get busy, see the message, and say to myself that I will get back to them and I forget.

The whole "no response is a response" thing is passive aggressive and lame af. We are grown men.

Maybe it’s us older generations that know how to communicate well haha

It just seems to be the norm these days, which is a pity but just see it as their issue and be glad you didn't meet them as you may have been disappointed and feel sorry for them as they have missed on a good match.

I hope I’m a good match! The guys I wrestle seem to think so

Absolutely. Happens a lot. Very annoying.

It does, just don’t keep me hanging lol

It seems no response happens to me more often than not. I take that as a response, however ill-bred. But that being said, there have been a few occasions where the person didn’t see it or forgot and responded positively after a second message. So, I give a guy two tries. If I still get zippo, I leave him be. It would seem like nagging otherwise.

I know I’m guilty of the nagging sometime so I do apologize to guys that feel like that. But I like the two tries I think I’ll take that from ya

Agree with this.

I've replied to several with the "thanks for your interest, but I don't think we are a match." and all I got was a bunch of negative bs messages. So sometimes I don't even bother replying. I have pretty clear in my profile what my preferences are from weight/age and type a match.

Yeah it’s def a two way street I’m sorry you got responses like that

It’s rare I get pushback from that type of message but once recently I got a “Do you mind explaining why?” And I said “Yes I do. I’m under no obligation to explain my tastes.”

I really read someone's profile before I shoot a message. I can gauge pretty well if they would be a good fit for a match.

That’s always a good idea. I do it too. I also check out their past opponents to see if I have anything in common with any of them. For example if they’re all in their 20s/30s or if they’re all big dudes over 200#, I might not bother since it’s not that likely I’d be the exception. And yet, there are still plenty of times where by my reading we’re ideally matched and he still says no thanks, or more likely nothing. And I have to just leave it there.

I'm sorry yo say this, but as an adult, no one owes you anything that includes a response too a message or challenge on here or any other site.

I mean I totally understand that and I get it. But it is a little rude in the long run.

IMHO, you’re both right.

THANK YOU!!! There's way too many entitled members who think life owes them everything they want. If they think that's rude, then they need to understand that respect is never demanded, it is ALWAYS EARNED!!! Get over your hurt feelings and grow up. If you're not my type, I don't owe you squat. That's not rudeness, that's just not putting up with entitled people who think that the world revolves around them. No one owes you a damn thing! Grow the hell up!

Woah I’m not entitled to anything being entitled is like demanding a match from people.

Interesting conversation and I definitely am on the side that no one owes me a first response for whatever the reason.

I would say that, from your initial post and responses, that you do feel entitled, or at least expect, a response from someone. I do not prescribe to this mentality because it’s putting expectations on a stranger that didn’t agree to those expectations. Only sets ya up for microresentments and micro-disappointment imo.

I mean I guess I expect a common curtesy response like if you are having a convo with someone on the street

It isn't about "owing" a response. It's about having the courtesy to give a response to someone who had the courtesy to speak to you.

sadly, common courtesy isn't as common anymore. I wonder whether the "I dont owe you anything" crowd would have the gonads to behave the same way in public. Like you see them on the street and say "hey, how are you?" and their response is gonna be some emo eye roll and to ignore you? ...and then they put their Beats by Dre headphones on and pull their hoodies over their heads and stroll by? LOL. I doubt it. Manners are part of what makes a community a community. Some of us think this place is Grindr.

Right. Someone comes to your door delivering a package by mistake. Are they going to slam the door in their face or say, "No thanks. That's not for me." Not much effort required at all.

Agreed. Freedom of association matters. No one is every entitled to someone else's time or attention, especially a complete stranger.

Just to give a slight bit of pushback- I've had multiple guys on this website respond very aggressively when I've politely rejected a match (ie demanding to know why/scouring my profile and trying to explain to me why we actually are a good match). I still try to respond when I can, especially when it's someone visiting my city, but I think it's understandable why some don't.

This happens all the time. I would be one thing if everyone just said "ok thanks, no problem", but most of the time they demand an explanation that they never accept, try and argue and debate your preferences, they scour your profile looking for some angle to attack you, call you names, imply you are a fraud... all kinds of things. I find the ones who ignore your preferences from the jump, then act civilly when you reiterate your lack of interest, are the extreme minority.

Now that is uncalled for if someone says no thank you I always just say no problem and move on

I am going to go with the people who say no one is entitled to anyone else's time or attention (especially a complete stranger) and no response (especially multiple times) typically IS a response. Just not the one they want.

To everyone out there who always feels entitled to a response, I would like to ask.... do you respond to EVERY human being who ever tries to get your attention in life? Every single panhandler asking you for money on the street, every person who tries to sell you something in a tourist area, every person who catcalls you or hurls an insult based on the sports jersey you are wearing, every mentally ill person hopped up drugs, or who gives you the creeps, every person who is a member of whatever political or religion you aren't fond of? For ever single person who ever says "hey man" or "sup?" now you are required to either stop what you are doing to have a conversation to them or give them an explanation that they'd find acceptable about why you don't want to talk to them?

If you ignore them are you now just a "rude person", like that's a base personality trait? If you are "not polite" to the meth addict hounding you on the street, then you MUST be rude to everybody. Rude your neighbors, coworkers, rude to your mom...

Or is it a case by case basis, where you can be perfectly polite to people you want to talk to (or most people you encounter), but just want to avoid the ones who are more trouble than they are worth? I think everyone does this to some degree, but with some it's a "rules for thee, not for me" situation where it they ignore someone it's justified, but if someone does it to them it's an outrage.

Personally I think this whole "You owe me a response or I will declare you rude! I will declare you not polite!" thing is a passive aggressive way of trying to bully people into the response they want or to try to socially punish them (by whipping up group sentiment against them) for not getting the response they want. This whole "if you are not interested in ME, then there MUST be something wrong with YOU!" thing all seems like an extension of narcissism and entitlement.

If someone doesn't want to talk to me then I am fine not talking to them... and if they are so rude then why get butthurt about them not wanting to talk to you? Makes no sense. I have never seen someone give a Ted Talk about how rude it is to ignore someone that made me want to rush out and deal with them or made me regret ignoring them. It just made me feel justified and like I was lucky to dodge a bullet there.

In my profile I am very upfront about what I am into and what I am not into. Aside from clearly not being into wrestling or fantasy, one of the things I clearly state is that I am mainly looking for people I could potentially meet for matches and I have NO INTEREST in proving turn-on talk to someone who isn't remotely a good match stats wise or is on the other side of the planet where there is little to no chance of ever meeting them in person... yet the majority of the the messages I get still come from this group.

So if I am not responding to someone, the most typical reasons are either that I have seen some pattern of behavior I didn't like from them in the chat OR they clearly don't match what stated what I am looking for in my profile... and if someone's opening move is to demonstrate to me that they had zero consideration for my preferences (either not caring to find out what they are or just ignoring them outright) then I am under no obligation to meet their standard of "politeness", which essentially boils down to make them the exception and provide them with gratification. Hell half the guys these days are two finger pecking on a phone (with one hand on their dick) and even if they instigated the conversation they won't send a response more than one or two words long. That crap just gets tiresome to deal with.

Not to mention there are plenty of guys I have dealt with who I have politely said "no thanks" to half a dozen times, told them to buzz off and stop harassing me another dozen times, then ignored them 30 times after that and they will STILL claim they didn't get a response... or that they forgot they messaged me and "don't remember" doing it dozens of times before. (funny how I have no problem remembering them, but they have so many memory issues).

Needless to say I think there are plenty of valid reasons to ignore people, no one is entitled to anyone elses time, calling them names isn't going to change their mind or punish them, and no matter how many times this topic is brought up and complained about (or how many of their friends agree with them), it changes nothing. Respecting other people's preferences is a two way street. Ignoring someone else's preferences, then being mad at them for not wanting to talk to you is ridiculous.

(And by "you" I mean people in general. It is not directed at the original poster specifically. I am only stating my position.)

Lol anyone writing vast paragraphs trying to redefine rude behavior as not rude is likely holding a losing hand.

I feel so much pity for the person whose life is just so overwhelmed by all those people saying hello. ;)

I appreciated the vast paragraphs where KO articulated and clearly explained his position.. not sure why we are knocking that and using it against him.

This thread is a good one, but unfortunately the goal posts are always moving because everyone has their own personal expectations for messaging and responding.

At the end of the day, you can’t control other people and no one agreed to respond to every message, so, in my opinion of one, it’s one of those things that you shouldn’t worry about nor assume malice or rudeness.

Silence is a rejection. We have all been there. People are uncomfortable with being rejected and its pointless to ask for an explanation because most of the time you already know the answer. Demanding people change is a waste of time. Most people avoid conflict. Work on your reaction and discomfort with being rejected. It happens to all of us, often. The goal is to have the self confidence to accept it, keep things in perspective and move on. Someone not wanting a match should not shatter your world. If it does, then that is the real problem and only you can fix that.

If someone has not taken the time to read my profile, where I clearly explain that I don't respond to random "challenge" requests and I clearly explain what I'm looking for in a match... Why would I take time to respond back and forth?

We all have lives outside of MeetFighters, and some profiles do get inundated with messages (not me always lol but sometimes I do). I live in Winnipeg, so lets say some guy in another country – that I wouldn't want to meet even if he was in my city – is saying hi... why should I stop what I'm doing to respond to it? Especially if I say the wrong thing, or if it invites more messages and questions.

I've met quite a few guys in the NYC and Toronto Wrestlefests so far – some pretty popular profiles too – and I get a sense that most are really great guys and just trying to live good lives. If you're not getting enough action, look at things you can do in your own life to change that. It could be meeting more people in your area to get better reviews, it could be taking some grappling training, or maybe it means get to a gym!

I still didn't take any training... but I focused a lot on yoga and pilates to improve my flexibility and core strength and cycled off my weight over the last couple of years, and it has really helped me to enjoy this aspect of my life more. And there's still lots of guys that don't message me back.. but I'm not worried about it. I just use it as motivation to become a better version of myself and enjoying how I look (and more importantly how I feel) in my day-to-day life!

My recommendation is to just embrace the opportunities you have, and keep living a good life.

I get a lot of messages that only say hi, or what's up and nothing else, if somebody wants to know something then I'll answer them

I am guilty of simply not responding to people sometimes and you've made me think again.

My profile makes it very clear that I'm interested in wrestling big, chubby men only. So when I've had messages from people who are either slim or athletic types I've just thought "if you're not gonna bother reading my profile then you'll get nothing from me", and ignored them.

I will instead try a simple and polite "no, thank you" or similar message in future!

If someone has politely declined once already, are they expected to reply again? Asking for a friend.