ChrisWrestling's blog

Ok, well, this blog shouldn't surprise anyone who has met or followed me for any length of time.  Over the last two years or so I have been open about my bodyscissor/squeeze kink on grindr and sniffies and have even shown my husband one of the scarier toys I've made which is basically a big inflatable constrictor "snake" made from an industrial discharge hose.  All of these things have been met with a certain degree of disapproval with one person on sniffies accused me of worshiping the death of George Floyd, never mentioned him in this context, concerns from the husband, and becoming a bit infamous on grindr.  Occasionally I get someone who is curious but has never really amounted to anything.  I think it's one of those things where either you are into it and seek it out on your own or you're just saying what you think you need to to get laid.

Was talking with Ribcrusher this afternoon about more extreme bodyscissor scenes and we went into more extreme scenes involving the practicality of a bodyscissor KO, he feels like the only way to do it is by creating the siphon effect, a common way people die from erotic hanging of themselves when they are alone.  Basically people hang themselves by doing a squat while having a belt tied off and around their neck thinking they can just stand back up (spoiler, when you start to pass out control of your legs is one of the first things to go), the problem with this is oftentimes if you are able to stand back up the blood rushes out of your head suddenly causing you to pass out again thereby fatally hanging yourself.  In RC's method one scissors till someone is panting hard to breath, let up for a second to cause the blood to flow down to the legs before cinching back up keeping blood from the brain momentarily causing them to pass out.  While this may be fun I would prefer the slow constriction to just make me fade out over time.

Going back to my toy, I absolutely have fantasies of getting attacked by a large python.  Yesterday I was reading an article about a woman who got attacked in Thailand who was trapped for around 2 hours before someone heard her and was able to free her, clearly the snake wasn't big enough and was probably acting out in defense but I found myself reading it with a sense of jealousy.  I know, I know, it's supposedly very painful but so are devastating scissors and bearhugs.  I don't know, maybe I just need to go through it to decide if I'd actually like it, yup, crazy.

Kinda what prompted me to write this is that I recently had a conversation with my husband, who is Buddhist, about reincarnation which made me think about how do Buddhists feel about carnivorous animals.  Saw a blog this afternoon where it states that one faction see it as their nature therefore there is no bad karma where others argued that a predator would have to forgo eating in order to preserve their good karma even if it killed them.  Personally, I would love to come back as a python and I doubt my karma would be good at all as I would clearly love squeezing whatever I could find.  Of course in reality I would never want to hurt anyone but in the fantasy of coming back as a python or anaconda I would enjoy the existence.

I just did a coffee date with a guy off of sniffies (I know, I know, don't judge me) and the guy identifies as straight but I wasn't the first man he was meeting with and NOT the first he had played with.  One thing that stood out to me was that he identified as Dom and insisted that he doesn't suck dick and nothing goes up his ass.  34 years old.  The conversation went ok but a few things stood out like that he was very much so not straight, was clearly not comfortable about it, and was holding on to archaic positional roles.  It reminded me a bit of when I was coming out and still Christian and reading books like "Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality" by Jack Rogers which at times looked at the historical context of when a man fucked another man which was an act of putting the person on bottom into a inferior position and was less about a loving sexual connection and joint pleasure.

This attitude is certainly alive and well today in D/s roles but I have known Dominants who are bottoms.  Why not?  Especially for gay men prostate play is all about pleasure and just because someone is a Dominant doesn't mean that wanting to be receptive makes you any less of a Dominant.  There are certainly plenty of people on Grindr or Sniffies who identify themselves as Dom when in fact they just like rough topping and getting their dick sucked and don't have any clue what a Dominant is or what it means to be Dominant.  Even worse, some people take it as a permission slip to be abusive.

In my meetup today one of the things I discussed was that being a Dominant is more about taking care of your sub just as much as it is about your sub taking care of you.  Oftentimes subs feel like they are always in charge at work and take submissive roles so that they can have a break from making the decisions.  Sometimes subs are in a place in their development where they feel insecure about the place they are in their lives and need someone to substitute the role of the parent.  Subs often need to feel safe and taken care of.  Some subs disappear into house work and just zone out.  Then there is love language, which is how I think my husband's sub works.  To him, caring for his master is how he expresses love.  When I met my Dom out of college I was struggling to get on my feet in the real world and he made me stronger and more self reliant.

Trust in BDSM sometimes comes too easily.  The guy I was talking with today described a guy who wanted to have a forced BJ and the guy stated that the more he resisted the more he wanted to be forced to keep going but when the guy I was talking to did force him the guy freaked out, yelled and left.  The the consensual non consent (CNC) fantasy didn't match the reality.  This kind of thing makes me a little guarded about the rise in popularity of CNC where I really don't think many people are actually going through it.

This brings me to a line I heard in the comedy show, Sex Education, where the main character basically challenged my view of consent by introducing me to the concept of enthusiastic consent vs consent.  When you think about it, coercion can lead to consent but that doesn't mean that the other person actually wants it.  The "menu" as my friend Dan calls it, is part of the negotiation phase where the sub says what is off limits and what they actually want.  For clarity, almost 20 years in the leather community I still cannot tell you everything I do not consent to.  Actually a former friend, Hugh, had a boy in a bar come up to him, called him Sir, and told him he consented to everything so Hugh told him to get on his knees and drink his piss.  The boy recoiled, said that was disgusting and that he wouldn't do it.  We all have limits and there is nothing wrong with disclosing them but you cannot set a boundary for sounding, for example, if you've never heard of it.  The point here being that just because someone hasn't expressed a limit doesn't mean it isn't there so it is up to the Dominant to discuss what they want to do ahead of time if it wasn't part of the negotiations.  Personally I wouldn't try to throw a surprise in til maybe the 3rd session at the earliest and it wouldn't come out of the blue.

When the Dominant ties someone up, that takes significant trust from the sub (though subs do have legal recourse that favors them so it's not like the Dom is playing risk free) whose dick may be what's actually doing the consenting (especially if they are new) and thorough consideration for what could happen.  When someone is restrained properly, they are truly helpless and plenty can go wrong even if the Dom is loving, competent, and respects the subs boundaries.  Funny that as I am writing this someone on sniffies just asked me to rape him and was very resistant to my advise which was to ask a friend to find a friend he didn't know but whom the friend trusted so at least there is some level of safety.  I asked if he had done it before, he said no and this is actually relevant to this post in that it is the Dom's responsibility to know that no one can truly consent to something they have never experienced.  Personally I want intense bondage scenes that induce panic BECAUSE I have been in bondage that made me panic and I actually loved it.  I can consent to CNC with bodyscissors because I have been in bodyscissors and know what I am asking.  A sub who has never been truly vulnerable before doesn't know what they are getting into which goes back to the responsibility of the Dom to take care of the sub and be the adult in the room.

The point I'm getting at is that for many, being Dominant is to be a rough sex top, some it is to be abusive, some it's getting your way but that isn't what it is, none of it is.  D/s is about an exchange in needs and what we do, we do out of love.  If your sub wants to drink your piss or be called a faggot that is certainly part of it but ultimately it still comes from a place of love.  We do what we do because both parties are getting something they want out of it.  Without this it is just abuse.

So, I have been doing E-stim since 2007 and I was on watch fighters today and someone was doing an electro torture scene and this really really needs to be called out.  Our brains, our spine, and our heart use electricity to function.  Electricity on the head or near the spine can cause issues like seizures or nerve damage.  That isn't very common but what is is people not considering the path of electricity.  If I put the + side on your right hand and the - on your left, even if your hands are down by your hips the path of travel the electricity follows goes across your heart.  If I do a similar set up over your nipples, it more directly goes over your heart.  If I do right foot to left hand, again, your heart can get zapped.  Most people use heart attack for all kinds of heart failure, this is not the case.  A hart attack is caused by blood not getting to your heart often because of an obstruction and the heart starts to die.  Cardiac arrest is when there is an electrical issue with the heart.  If electricity crosses the heart it messes with the flow of electricity and can cause cardiac arrest.  If you do CPR you're not likely to get someone to a place where they are ok again.  What CPR does is it buys time but I don't personally know how effective it is with cardiac arrest, with that we need a defibrillator which DOES NOT START THE HEART.  What an AED does is it bitch slaps your heart into stopping with the hopes that it starts again in a natural rhythm.  If it's stopped by the AED and you start CPR you may keep circulation going long enough for the paramedics to be able to introduce drugs to get it going again.  You may get enough oxygenated blood into the heart that I suppose it could do it on it's own.  But please consider this, when you shock the heart it can fibrillate or it can stop and when that happens there is no guarantee that you can get it going again.  If you must shock the nipples use a clamp that has both the + and - on either side of the same nipple.  Electricity should stay on the nipple but please do not use the same channel for both nipples because the path of travel is fatally dangerous.  I'm not saying bi-polar clamps are safe but I do believe, especially with a low level of current, that they are safer and I am saying that allowing that current to cross the chest is a very very bad idea.  Electro on the head, btw, can induce seizures and doing it on the spine can interrupt control signals to important systems like the heart and lungs.  The safest way to do electro is below the waist only.

I went in to see my optometrist today and as I was waiting to be called back I saw that I had a message on the MF app so I opened it and started to read and then was called back into my appointment.  When I got out I saw that I had a second message from the same person.  The first message was asking if I wanted to roll when he was in town next month and the second message was him berating me for not replying immediately, referencing when we had been chatting while he was still local to Seattle to double down on his opinion of me being a dismissive dick.  So I replied and explained that I was in an appointment and couldn't reply right away, so I checked the dates he was going to be in town and with school they are going to be busy and wouldn't work for me.  I saw he read my replies but didn't reply so I looked back on when we had chatted before and noticed the same overly reactive attitude from 7 years before where I cited health issues getting in the way of us rolling.  I did the math to try to figure out what those health issues may have been (I have had too many), and around that time I was about to leave the gym I was working at in downtown Seattle for one closer to home as my insomnia had gotten so bad I couldn't recognize the faces of my clients if I hadn't been seeing them for more than 2 weeks.  I was in REALLY bad shape then.

So, why blog about this?  Well, first of all, this isn't sniffies, pretty much no one is looking to play right this second.  Secondly, you really don't know what's going on with a person.  Not getting a reply within the hour you see the read report doesn't mean someone is being dismissive or blowing you off, especially if it's 3PM on a Wednesday.  Most people are working at that time so having the expectation that you are going to get an instant reply is completely disconnected from the reality we all live in.  Hell, even if it's a day later that does not mean someone is blowing you off or ignoring you.  Sometimes a message may be read and then something happens, Trump sends the national guard into a person's city, they are in a car crash, a protest increases their commute home by an hour, a family member dies so it is better to give people the benefit of the doubt.  If you don't get a reply, maybe it's better to send a followup message along the lines of, "hey, I reached out yesterday and didn't hear back.  I hope everything is ok on your end.  I would like to emphasize that I am very interested in getting to roll with you, please let me know if you'd like to set something up..." etc.

Now, there are people on here who may either just not be for you, maybe your interests don't match, maybe they are vain and you don't fit into their narrow view of who they may be interested in, maybe they want to roll with someone more their level.  Sometimes it's personal, sometimes it's not but unless someone is attacking you or being rude there is no reason for you to escalate.  Gawd, times are so toxic right now, none of us has the emotional energy to be dealing more negativity from people.  I know I don't and with school, guess what?  I am going to be pretty unavailable most of the time between now and August of 2026.  I have already said no to some people I really REALLY want to roll with.  That's reality, sometimes people just don't have the time or energy to fit wrestling into their lives no matter how important it is to them.

This other example was from wrestlefest last year and when I bring it up, people in NYC generally tell me they are pretty sure exactly who this person is and based on my discussions with others I think at the very least people assume the correct individual.  This was my first wrestlefest and I went there to teach which took up most of my time and energy in NYC. I tried to fit in as many rolls as possible and I think I only missed one or two because they were too close to the end of class and our scheduled time.  Point is, I was booked solid.  After my schedule was pretty much finalized I got a message from someone, I actually had absolutely no interest in but fortunately my schedule was actually full so I didn't even have to lie, I really was booked out.  Despite my trying to be diplomatic and just saying I was booked out he took it VERY personal and got very abusive in his reply to me, filling in the blanks for himself as to why I was rejecting him.  He wasn't actually wrong, he accurately pointed out a lot of the reasons I wasn't even going to put him on the maybe if someone flakes list.  Now, the truth is, I actually do roll with a lot of guys who aren't my type at all.  We're rolling, not screwing.  I've learned over the years that many times, the people we are less excited to meet turn out to be way more fun than we expected and several of those have become repeat matches.  Now, we all have people we are more excited to get to hit the mats with than others but when that guy lashed out at me, it sealed the deal for me, there was no way in hell I was going to give him my time.

So the point of this whole post is this: 1) you don't know what's going on at the other side when you send a message so show some patience, 2) we ALL get rejected, yes even me, 3) follow up with kindness and give the other person the benefit of the doubt if for no other reason than it keeps the door open, 4) while I am not going to name names here you need to understand that this site is set up so that if you're a dick you can end up getting dinged and as mentioned when discussing the WrestleFestNYC incident, people talk and you don't want to set yourself up as the guy everyone hates in your local community.  We are in the age of chatroom and comment section warriors and that toxic behavior becomes a habit that you probably don't want to bring into the more consequential world where you are going to lose matches or get ostracized from the community.  So try not to be that guy.  I'm not saying I'm not a dick, I can be, or judgemental, I'm human, oftentimes I have little capacity to deal with people because I am still an insomniac who has developed workout intolerance which is really really challenging to live with.  People are dealing with shit you cannot see and when they don't reply right away it could just be that they are checking their schedule, they have something going on you don't know about, or maybe they are noodling over whether they are interested enough which is their right to do.  No one is obligated to play with you so don't act like they are.

So, if you have read some of my more personal blogs you will already be somewhat familiar with my history. Like many I think a minor interest in wrestling started in Jr. High but I was busy with swim team and music and drama. In high school I really doubled down on theatre and music rather than sports. My college was an arts college that didn't have sports and the Kings Wrestling Club in Seattle had already closed down. Honestly my identifying as straight at the time and discomfort with my sexuality, despite having discovered BGEast, I hadn't really thought to start wrestling til I was in college and my opportunities had dried up.

I contented myself with rolling with people off of headlock which became globalfight before gruntsNgroans came out, then takedown, and now meetfighters. 20 years is a longass time. Anyway, my husband got me a month of BJJ training for my birthday about 11 years ago and I got hooked. I've always loved BJJ but despite being blessed with really open and welcoming schools I never really felt like I fit in. Still don't to this day, maybe more now than back then as I have been really struggling with aging and not having any endurance to speak of. I feel like more of a burden to my school than a student that brings his A game every time. I want to tough it out but I also don't want to associate BJJ with nausea.

This last fall I went down to visit my friend, Grant, and he's involved with the organization of the Sin City Classic and he was really badgering me to compete in Freestyle even though I had 0 training in any pin style. Reluctantly I signed up, hired a personal trainer to try to get my endurance up (it didn't actually help) and I started watching videos on youtube and reading every book I had on it and none of that really mattered. What did help is that I put myself on a training diet and stopped drinking for 4 months leading up to it.

Now, I have severe competition anxiety that's downright debilitating. My gut goes wild and I almost got disqualified at a tournament for being in the bathroom when I got called 2 hours earlier than expected. I was fairly miserable when I got to Vegas. The Horseshoe is a horrible hotel, I don't care for gambling and it's predatory nature, everything smells like tobacco and bad cologne and I knew virtually no one when I got there. It was so bad I almost spent the whole time in my hotel room but I decided to go to the welcome dinner but because I didn't know anyone and wasn't on facebook anymore I had no idea who I was looking for so I leaned on Grant way too much and he wasn't even going to dinner. When I finally got to the group the only seat left was behind a bigass column so I couldn't see anyone except the guy sitting next to me who wasn't even competing. The gaggle of cougars that sat down to my left didn't help things.

Then the training day came and I got pounced on by some of the guys I spoke to online and a couple others and so many people were trying to make me feel welcome that I actually started to relax. This was just the training day so I didn't need the high anxiety. Once warmups started I fell into my routine despite being in a singlet. It helped that I wasn't the only one. At this point I got so excited to finally, after over 20 years of wanting to do folk/freestyle I finally got my first lesson and I would have stayed there all day if my body would have let me. This was also the first time I finished a training session and really felt like a man. I felt unusually masculine and not in a toxic way.

For the tournament itself my nerves were at less than 10% of what they usually were. After all I had my new friends to keep me company and it was so much fun watching the other guys compete. I did my first match and won pretty quickly and felt pretty good about myself. I found that my opponent was not feeling that great about it so I sat down with him and watched the match with him to see if we could use it as a learning experience and that seemed to really help him. My second match didn't go so well as my opponent got badly injured. I spent the next hour watching the video over and over again to confirm that I did nothing wrong, that he threw me and landed on his arm and it broke and that really is what happened. I still carry some guilt with me but I was happy to hear today that he is doing what he can to be involved in his training even though he can't really train himself for a while. Having being benched myself for 3 years I know how rough that can be. The people there were really supportive about the incident and I realized that despite training BJJ with mostly the same people for 10 years I really didn't feel like one of them. In Vegas I was surrounded by people who loved training and rolling and were openly gay and the catharsis of it all relaxed me. I was with my people.

It really isn't enough to go to this once a year. 3 days out of the year being where I love doing what I love just isn't enough. I want to train BJJ with my people. I want to train folk/freestyle with my people. Nothing against the straights but this is the community I need for myself. I want to start a club here but I don't want it to be watch a youtube video and train sort of thing, I want a passionate coach who knows how to develop wrestlers. I want to train seriously like a D1 college athlete even at 40 years old.

Honestly, I've developed a fantasy of being a wrestling object/slave. I don't get to choose what I eat, when I eat, I get up way too early to get my cardio in, get back and fuel up before class/drilling. Fuel up, go do my workout. Just really be a machine. This is my addiction, my midlife crisis, this is who I am.