Darren's blog

For the first two times, I tend to give the benefit of the doubt. But I think by the third cancellation it's time to call it off.

How many past opponents are on his profile? How long has he been on here? Does he live in a populous area, or middle of nowhere? Does he have access to his own transportation?

That should help add context to your decision. To be honest, you should not hold it against him that you cancelled plans to meet with him. That's on you.

Definitely not holding against him on my own decision hence asking if I should proceed or not..the fella have no any past opponents but he mentioned he is traveling to my country and close to my city..

And here I have a mindset where if the person willing to travel across country I'm kinda give them benefit of doubt at first time since since they sure have their own plan and schedule

One unexplained cancellation at last moment = no more agreement with the person

3 strikes and he is out man - don't waste your time on time wasters - his loss!!!!

Quick update : he texted me couple hours ago..I guess at this point he just likes trashtalk and not actually into fights..asked him about the plan..he just skipped the topic and continued on trashtalking

And @seattlefight, I'm sorry I accidentally deleted your comment..meant to delete my reply but it turns out otherwise.. appreciate your comment man

No worries. Happy to chat.

Old proverb says: once is happenstance, twice is coincidence but three times is enemy action.

I was supposed to box a guy at his place in Westchester. I bought the train ticket and called him from Grand Central.......and he called it off because his place wasn't available after all.

We made a second date, and this time I had to cancel....but I did so well in advance.

We made a third date for yesterday. Wednesday, I messaged him to ask what time was good. He replued but didn't pick a time. Thursday, I messaged him again to ask what time was good. By Friday at noon he had not responded, so I shrugged and went on with my day.

He finally messaged me around 2pm. I didn't bother to respond.

In my experience there are many folks who like to talk the talk but not walk the walk. They prefer talking about it rather than doing it, which is fine. Or would be fine if they were honest with you and themselves.
Two cancellations but still want to chat and they're out as far as a meet is concerned.

All I can say is I TOTALLY agree with the guys who say to just let this guy go. You tried and were very patient with him. Hope you don't give up. Most all of us have been in the same place as you. Some guys just like to play games and play with your life.
Sorry it happened to you.

I always tend to remain positive: at least, he answers your messages. SO MANY guys don't even read or answer over there that it's already something for you ;).

But besides of that, it's a matter of respect. As already written, a first cancellation can happen. Two become suspect, but may happen (and can then be easily and clearly explained: avoiding discussion is suspect).

Nonetheless, at one point, the meeting must happen... or will never. I already was in Roma by a trip, had booked everything with a guy, and he just ghosted two days before the meet. I met nobody in Roma... What a waste. Same in Montepellier, two guys cancelled on two following days. Not even an excuse, and almost talking shit to me as I said it wasn't respectful at all. Same in Paris, one hour before the meet...

Now it's easy: either one REALLY wants to meet, and solutions can always be found. Or one doesn't, and he finds excuses... or doesn't answer.

In the same field, I started trying to program a trip to meet a couple of guys in Italy or on the road to Italy. One is really committed and I know we'll endly meet, no worry about that, he just meets a specific event in his professionnal life, needing some more weeks. So I'll warn the other guys. But among them, one was just like "I cannot plan in advance"... while I will travel more than 1000 kilometers.

On contrary, a guy will come here (and I do help him to ;) ), and of course I've already booked the time needed in the beginning of February. That's how it goes when one is committed and respectful.

If that's not the case, your brain will try to have you think there may be a chance to meet the next time, but it's an illusion, and actually, you just will never meet. So better cut the relationship the sooner in order to relieve the frustration.

And of course, among all that: a big support to you, as motivated, serious and respectful guys tend to be rarer and rarer. So it's cool to see how dedicated you act.

Big up to you, I hope you will still have nice encounters.

For me… the three strikes rule applies. After that while I may still be interested? I stop chasing? I’ve found that we all have challenges and obstacles to schedules and meetups. Life happens.

Not being able to host is a major hinderance, add living in a non-destination city that’s centrally located but still out of the way and wrestling fun becomes difficult.

That said, there’s always a way, it may take years before the match finally happens, but works out IF both parties want to battle it out. (That’s a whole other topic Ughhhh) I’ve had some incredible matches with guys passing through or while traveling, because they made the effort. I’ve had some dream matches go away because of bad communication or tons of cancellations. (Ever wonder if you’ve been “blackballed” by the locals? Hmmm?

While it’s frustrating and makes you want to quit… keep dreaming and wrestling.

Agreed with ya, on other note I don't have issue with locals..I'm the one rejecting them sometimes due to schedule clashes..plus local here quite passive and selective when it comes to stand up fights, so I get a bit hope when I find some guy with similar body stats and interest on brawls to go with

Some guys just want to talk about their favorite holds and what they want to do. Once their purpose is fulfilled, they drop you. Stop wasting your time with them, especially when they avoid questions about meeting.

Whatever your personal level of tolerance is, is what you should act on. I know mine (twice and maybe ask a third time if on the further future ) but after that, not worth my time.

It never happened to me. But this is disrespectful. Find someone else to fight. Thousands of guys or even a training center. No need to be canceled by random people.

I have had the “ unfortunate” experience of messaging with as high as 50% of profiles on the site - who are just talkers and lookers — we have no real idea if their profiles contain true written or pictorial information - and even accurate - they have no intention of wrestling / fighting you - EVEN IF THEY LIVED NEXT DOOR TO YOU.

I respect those that say “ I have no time off from work or financial means ( travel ) to meet up - then you can move on to look for other profiles with similar fighting interests and capability to actually meet up. Or those that say - in their profile SPECIFIC requirements or interests to wrestle you - you MUST respect them and NOT SEND COUNTLESS ANNOYING MESSAGES ( which I get ) and if a profile responds to you and says our wrestling interests do not match up - ( which I have even received ) - you respect them and leave them alone.

But INTEGRITY IS DEFINITELY LACKING ON THE SITE. If a profile has no previous wrestling opponents - a HUGE FLAG - if on the site for long - or those that say “ let’s continue talking “ - forget them

… try telling the person “ although dishonest and against my personal upbringing “ … I will be in your city for work in 2-4 weeks - give them enough time —- and see what they say ?

If they come up with excuses - forget them.

Personally I find it so disrespectful the mulititudes who waste your time - time is valuable “ spending endless days “ just messaging “ with no commitment to meet up AT ANY TIME in the future.

Also will say - meet ups should be a “give and take “ situation - many profiles want you to come to them - do everything including fighting at your lodging , etc. I find the best meet ups/ wrestles I have had are those where the other man is willing to “ sacrifice “ or “ go out of his way “ to SOME DEGREE … “. to facilitate a meet up that is TIME WORTHY … and even long term for future fighting / wrestling down the road provided personalties are mutually enjoyable to “ work out with” / wrestle.

Bottom line - I wish the site had a way to list profiles who have no intent on EVER wrestling - And THERE ARE COUNTLESS OF THEM ON THE SITE .

Time is valuable - time is fleeting - once time is spent beyond an initial message - the time is gone forever - you cannot buy more time - no matter how wealthy you are - if you find anyone in life who is “ WASTING YOUR TIME “ … whether on this site or ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE … YOU MUST AVOID PEOPLE WHO DO NOT APPRECIATE OR TAKE FOR GRANTED YOUR TIME.

In the 16 years and hundreds of matches I've had here I'm happy to say I've never encountered this problem.
It may be good luck, but I think its more good management...I can spot a fake or a guy that's "all talk and no action" a mile off, and when I do I make it clear I know their game and refuse to entertain them further.

My key red flags:
- Guys from other countries, particularly places with a large wrestling community, yet have no opponents despite being on here for years, and yet claim they will travel to my country to meet me!
If they can't make the effort to meet their locals I'm pretty sure the effort to cross countries is beyond their enthusiasm.

- Keyboard Warriors, The bigger they talk, and the more they talk, the less chance of ever meeting...This has proven to be the case over and over.
As soon as they start telling me what they will do to me with their 60kg frame, zero skills, with zero pics or past opponents I know exactly what I'm dealing with. I tell them to give me a date they will be here and we sort it out on the mat, not the keyboard. If they persist with their fantasy bravado and dodge a date, that is where the conversation ends.

I've had plenty of the above, but they are dealt with abruptly and not given the chance to lead me on, or fall victim to canceled arrangements that were never going to happen in the first place.
We all want that match with the new hot guy (with the stolen pics from the male model site) but just take time to use a little knowledge of human nature and avoid the traps!

Welcome to the world of the internet where scammers and no-shows hide behind computer screens, trying to trick people into real time meetings when they really have no interest in meeting at all. Most sites have turned into "dating" sites where guys are either looking to cyber-date or, if they intend to meet, it's not to wrestle but for other reasons. There ARE true, bonafide wrestlers and boxers out there who are serious about face to face meetups. What I do is look on his profile to see how many past opponents he has. Do I know any of the past opponents so I can send for a reference? When a wrestler or boxer messages me, I read the message and reply if it sounds sincere. Some messages I don't reply to are "Hey, I want you to come wrestle me" and they live in India or the Middle East or some far away place. Others will say, "Hey bitch! Wanna fight?" I don't respond to anything that starts like that. And I don't reply to most profiles who don't have a photo. If a guy won't post a photo because he's married (to a woman or man) and is trying to wrestle without them knowing it, or if he's afraid someone at work will find out he wrestles, then it probably won't be a good match. And I've been wrestling for 30 years. I made a lot of mistakes in my early years and got stood up a lot, once even after driving 3 hours one way and the guy said "No thanks." All I can say in closing is, develop your networks and give your wrestling career time to grow. Listen to your friends and jump at any referral you can get from them. And if you try two or three times with a guy and things don't work out, then move on.

One chance only, especially in this day and age of near instant communication methods.

Even a polite no thanks with notice would help, but as many others on this thread have noted, there are are plethora of time wasters and or keyboard warriors out there.

Manners cost nothing and literally one minute of someone's time, to write and send a message.

After reading this comment and realizing how generous I was in suggesting three or four times, I realize now that I should have been playing "hard ball". As Stephen points out, this day in age with the communication abilities we have, there is no place for time-wasters. And I was brought up with manners and there's no excuse for bad manners, especially in the sport of wrestling.

Generally if someone says "we'll meet soon" that meet wont happen. Ive been burned before with no shows and as a result I really look at profiles to see if my potential opponent has meets.

I also like to talk a bit in depth about what match they are seeking. If the majority of the convo is talking about holds or what will happen in a match blow by blow chances are they really dont want to meet in person.

Once postponed can happen to anyone, twice is a trend and likely to continue. It has happened to me as well.

Very true. But I will say that there've been guys where we've postponed several times and ended up having a terrific match!

I was contacted by a wrestler in San Francisco, inquiring about a local man near me who, on several occasions had cancelled wrestling matches with the SF guy. He asked if I could determine if the guy was for real. So I contacted the local, who immediately agreed to wrestle me. A few days before the match, he said he was going to have to work and would have to cancel. Some days later, we set up a date. Again, a few days before the match, he messaged me that work was calling and he'd have to cancel. Several weeks went by and then he contacted me and set a date Two days before the match, a buddy of mine & I went camping for the weekend. I just drove from the campsite to the man's apartment. I buzzed his apartment and a man's voice answered. "Oh, you didn't get his message? He had to go into work today." I said, "You're not _______?" He replied, "No, I'm his friend from Canada." I had driven two hours and said I would wait. Suddenly the door opened and here stood this body builder. He was in jeans and no shirt. "I can't have you wait out here," he said. We went upstairs & he said he would call the wrestler at work. After getting off the phone he said, "He can't get away. You'll have to go. Besides, I have to get back to Canada before dark." It didn't even dawn on me that there was no such thing as "closing the border." When I finally left (after an hour or so), I went to visit another friend before heading home. After getting home I got online and messaged the wrestler. The reply was "This is not _______. This is his friend from Canada." It completely got past me that it was after dark and that he was still in the US. So I emailed the wrestler but the message was deleted without being read. Then I turned "detective". I created a second screen name (AOL let you do that back then), and contacted the same dude by posing as a talent scout for body builders. The dude in question was definitely into body building and jumped on the chance to be in my "show". I also asked about wrestlers in the area. I mentioned myself, using the screen name that he would recognize. He literally blew up the screen with "Oh, that guy! He was here and wouldn't leave. He even stole some underwear and......." he went on and on and on. So, I wrote to the SF guy and told him the whole story I just shared with you. It was one of the weirdest experiences I've had as a wrestler. And yes, don't give these morons a second chance. The most popular excuses I get are "I had a death in the family." "I had to go in to work." "I'm afraid my wife or partner is going to find out." Or they just don't reply at all, which is the height of rudeness and bad manners. This IS the 21st Century. We have multiple ways to communicate and there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm not interested." But then, it's the millennials who make the rules now.