Darren's blog

Ideally, it’s a conversation that should have begun waaay, waaay before wedlock; perhaps by the third date. Some women have been curious, others react frigidly - and, in certain cases, even use it against you on occasion. The conversations and dynamics constantly change, from have fun, but be careful to how dare you, our relationship is on the rocks as a result. The phrase difficult conversations puts it mildly.

All good relationships are built on good communication. Ideally, this is a conversation that should have been traversed early on in the relationship, especially when you identify with how much of a passion wrestling is.

Historically, men always found companionship and camaraderie with one another, but our society (depending on where you’re at) can sometimes put taboos on this.

That said, my partner and I are a bit of unicorns. We met through wrestling, so the lifestyle, the physicality, the creativity, and the intimacy of the space were already understood. Wrestling wasn’t something I had to introduce later or justify—it was the common language that brought us together.

From there, we didn’t just support each other’s passion; we built on it and eventually created a wrestling production company together. It became something we share, not something one of us merely tolerates.

For folks who didn’t start that way, I think the “when” is less important than the “how.” Share it honestly, without minimizing it or sensationalizing it. Wrestling isn’t just a hobby for many of us—it can be about expression, trust, physical storytelling, community, and yes, sometimes intimacy.

Framing it as a meaningful outlet rather than a guilty secret changes the tone of the conversation entirely.

It’s also important to separate assumptions from reality. Wrestling doesn’t automatically mean infidelity, secrecy, or disrespect to a partner. Like any passion—sports, art, fitness, spirituality—it requires boundaries, communication, and mutual respect.

Those boundaries will look different for every couple.

Whether you’re married to a man or a woman, the key is inviting your partner into the ‘why’ behind it.

You don’t need them to fully participate, but understanding breeds trust. When both partners feel secure and heard, passions don’t threaten a relationship—they enrich it. -Coach J

I am married to a man who happens to be a flight attendant. Because he is gone days at a time, it is easy to compartmentalize. When he is home, we live like a pretty normal married couple. When he is gone, we have an understanding that we do what we do during that time. So if I am lucky enough to meet someone for a match during that time, great. If not, so be it. I was on the site before meeting him (not a wrestler) so most of my time on here these days is spent keeping up with people I know who know my situation. Anyone new that I chat up with or an out-of-towner, I let them know up front the situation.
While that is a unique situation, I guess my advice would be to control the wrestling and don't let it control you.

I'm married for 7 years now. Its important to communicate, and set a limit agreed by both party. Then respect those limits.

I also think it is important not to lie because unexplained sweaty singlets and speedos found in your gym bag is harder to explain.

def sweaty gear gives it all away

Even though I had done some things with guys before I met my husband, I didn't really connect it with this community until after we were married. We have been open for a few years, and while he doesn't "get" wrestling, he understands that it matters to me, and he even helps me look at gear and tell me what he thinks looks nice, but it's not his thing! And he has things he likes that aren't for me either. Talking about it openly and sharing these parts of ourselves makes us closer and makes our marriage stronger. I feel lucky to be queer because just being together means we've broken the "rules" of relationships we were raised with, so we might as well make something that works for us!

Difficult one. I met my husband on this site and for the first few years I wasn’t on here but he was secretly. It caused issues but we worked through it. I eventually rejoined and he left opting to use a BJJ club, however I’ve always been open about when and where I’m meeting someone and say if he doesn’t want me to I won’t.

What I have found is he continues to still do it in secret which is disappointing. I think communication is key here and transparency.

Believe it or not my wife actually encouraged me to come here to scratch the itch. I was open and honest about what wrestling meant o me when we first met and have been growing ever since. We weren’t having the best luck finding other ladies for her to wrestle or couples for tag matches so when i proposed this site she was open to me having an outlet for my wrestling wants. With clear communication things have worked out well

my ex wanted nothing to do with it, but my gf is into it, both as a participant and encouraging me and cheering me on. we had the talk early in our dating time and it has worked out really well since she was into it before we met.

My partner and I met on this site almost 15 years ago. It made a lot of the initial conversations a lot easier as we were both into the same thing.
There was a dark period where we both weren’t interested but we since rejoined, myself only recently.
I agree that communication is key. Be honest with you and your partner and then determine which is more important to you.

I honestly have no idea how to manage this situation. Love to wrestle and I have done it for 20 years now - however I have had a partner for the last two years and he is not keen on even talking about it - very jelous. And i get it.. but now I am on this site without a pic and not sure how/if to meet anyone.. it’s honestly so difficult for me.

My fiancee and I discussed it well before our marriage. She asked me to set boundaries ("no anal/oral sex)" and has been accepting of my wrestling friends ever since. It's been over twenty five years now. I'm so glad that we had that conversation.

First Relationship - I didn't communicate wrestling sport to him AND I stopped wrestling completely for 7 YEARS. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM at first meeting. Relationship ended at 7 years. COMMUNICATE EARLY.

Second Relationship - Within 5 minutes of first meeting I told him: "I wrestle. I wrestle locally, or travel to a location, and also participate in wrestling events (Okie Rumble, Hillside, etc.)." I COMMUNICATED AT FIRST MEETING.

First 3 years I didn't wrestle at all due to the "stories" he had heard about wrestling world.

THEN, I joined a legitimate wrestling club. THIS introduced him to wrestling world. In those days I wrestled ONLY–competitively.

NOWADAYS, I am immediately upfront about wrestling. I will not hide it or not participate again.

TAKE him to one of your matches or take him to a wrestling event so he can SEE what you do.

Join a wrestling club.
OR
Join a BJJ class as an introductory move

After this is established and shared with him, next step might be matches outside of class.