asconian's blog
HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION IN MEETFIGHTERS
For me, MeetFighters has been a genuine turning point. It gave me a way to do something I love: connect with interesting people, entertain myself by writing wrestling scenes and stories, stay active, and expand my circles. I’ve met up with twelve people so far. Each one has been a treasure. Every single meeting has been fully enjoyable, entertaining, and memorable in its own way. The platform has opened doors I didn’t expect, and I’m grateful for the community that exists here. I’m doing fine with it. The experience has been positive for me, and I know how to move through the ups and downs without it weighing too heavily. But I keep thinking about all the people who struggle more.
There are fighters — like the person I have in mind right now — who are genuine, kind, and open-hearted, yet find it very hard to navigate the complications that human relationships bring, especially on MeetFighters. The silences, the rejections, the unclear intentions, and the way the platform sometimes feels transactional can hit them much harder than others. They’re not doing anything wrong; they simply feel the edges more sharply, and it can make staying on the site feel heavier than it needs to be. That´s life in itself too. Everyone manages their own energy and time in their own way. Please take what follows in the kindest possible spirit — these are simply personal thoughts from someone who wants more people to be able to stay on the platform, enjoy the experience, and not take the harder moments too much to heart.
A few things that might help
1) AGE.
There’s a strong undercurrent that if you’re older than some arbitrary “normal,” you’re somehow less worthy of meeting anyone at all. We are not made of glass. Guys, this doesn’t have to be only about sexual chemistry. Plenty of people are happy to meet for the sport itself — to train, to chat, to share techniques, or just to spend time around someone who loves wrestling. You don’t need a perfect body, or to be insultinly young. A big heart and a willingness to share a bit of your life go a very long way. Age is just a number. Ageist is the deeply rooted in society.
2) THE HABIT OF NO REPLAYING.
When someone sends a greeting, shares a thought, or simply says hello, there’s a human being on the other side. That person doesn’t necessarily want to wrestle you. Often they’re just looking for a bit of free time, a conversation, or company. A single “hi, how are you, bye” isn’t always enough information to decide whether someone is interested or not. A short, kind reply (even if it’s “not looking right now, thanks”) costs little and can mean a lot. A practical way to keep it from stinging too much is to treat each message or meet-up as an invitation, not a verdict on your worth. If the answer is no (or silence), you can acknowledge it internally, wish them well, and move on without needing to analyse why or what it says about you. Many of the people who end up having great sessions later are the ones who stayed open and kept putting themselves out there without carrying the weight of every previous “no.”
You can even prepare a short, neutral reply in advance for when you need to decline someone yourself — something kind and clear — so the habit of respectful communication goes both ways. The goal isn’t to become immune to disappointment; it’s to stop letting one (or several) rejections define the whole experience or make you withdraw from a platform that still has good moments available.
3) THIS IS NO GRINDR.
It’s easy for the dynamic to feel like people are looking for a quick, fleeting piece of meat — something to satisfy an immediate need and then move on, with or without sexual intentions depending on the person. Don’t let that make you bitter. Your body doesn’t have to be perfect or “wonderful” for you to belong here. (I sometimes feel like meetfighters is a big box of chocolates that most people can’t be touched or tasted, and that’s okay.) Please try not to be cruel with others. A bit of basic respect goes further than we think. And don´t expect something more than wrestling. Sometimes things get better.
4) ALL OF US ARE AMAZING
For anyone who’s starting to feel down — like the person I mentioned — please remember this: we all have real worth. Our bodies are fine as they are. Our minds are even more so. We’re dignified, decent, capable people. Each of us is a treasure in our own right. Don’t let anyone else’s silence or preference convince you otherwise. fith Handling rejection with a bit of grace Rejection is part of the experience here, just as it is in most places where people meet. Someone not replying, declining a meet, or simply not being a match doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It usually means their circumstances, preferences, timing, or energy don’t line up with yours right now.
5) TRAVELLING FOR WRESTLING
Think it carefully. The web is full of "timewasters". Especially thinking about people who live farther away: never, ever transmit the idea or encourage someone to travel to your place if you are not truly committed to the wrestling session. Travel expenses are expensive and represent a real economic commitment for most people. This applies to both sides. Be honest. If you want to wrestle with someone, encourage them clearly and sincerely. If you don’t want to wrestle with them, don’t encourage them or leave things vague. And above all, never travel to a place in the world exclusively for wrestling. You can always have a surprise — plans fall through, interest fades, or the reality doesn’t match the expectation. Treat any long-distance meet as something extra, not the sole reason for the trip.
6 THE UNTOUCHABLE STARS
Yes, there are stars on MeetFighters. Most of them are terribly selective; and I don´t blame them. They can do it. Many won’t even look at you, or at least not at the majority of the community. Don’t let it bother you. It’s something human and natural, and something we all do to a greater or lesser extent. Keep looking. I’m completely sure you’ll find the right candidate for you. I have to recognise that every single one of my own opponents has been sincerely perfect. One more practical note: after you’ve wrestled with someone, don’t automatically assume it will turn into an ongoing thing. Get comfortable using the platform as it is. Deeper connections can happen, but they aren’t the default, and that’s normal.
As with most things in life, you won’t always meet ideal people. The recommendation system helps, but it also pays to be clear when you do meet someone: say what you’re looking for, agree on the terms, and express your expectations. Don’t waste energy endlessly searching for the “perfect” match. Sometimes the person you least expect can give you a genuinely happy experience.
If you’re feeling the weight of the harder side of the site right now, you’re not alone, and you’re not less for it. Keep looking after yourself. The good meetings are still out there, and so are the people who are happy to share them with kindness. How to tell if you might interest someone It’s actually quite simple. Look at the people they have already wrestled. Go into those profiles and see the type of candidates they’ve chosen. Does that prototype roughly match your own profile? If it does, there’s a reasonable chance. If it clearly doesn’t, don’t waste your time. It’s a practical way to focus your energy on people who are more likely to be open to you, rather than hoping against the pattern.
commandertc (96)
7 days agoThank you for this my friend. I have the same feelings and experiences in some regards as you. He happy and remember this site isn't a way of life for most of us.
LancsBoxer (45 )
7 days agoSolid words, thanks for sharing.
alfayiz (5 )
7 days agoVerdades como puños
asconian (14 )
7 days ago(In reply to this)
Muchas gracias 🙏
SileX (322 )
7 days agoI'm always a bit reluctant to give advice when I'm not being asked directly. Just a couple of quick ideas to share for getting the most out of your MeetFighters journey:
alfayiz (5 )
7 days ago(In reply to this)
Very true the thing you say about being out there and engage in discussions. Much less people will interact with an user's profile if said user doesnt engage with the platform. The chat, blogs, forums, all of them are great ways to share insights and create community all while getting some attention, haha
NoviusInfernalBerserk (4)
6 days ago(In reply to this)
The problem with being flexible is that an interest or a fetish won't just change. If one is here for the sportive/competitive aspect and the other guy is into CBT or gutpunching, you simply can't change the structural incompatibility between those two. I'm for example not against dirty fights or punches to the body, but if the other guy has a fetish, I couldn't be interested due to the fact it's done for anything else but combat efficiency. Maybe your perspective comes from having a somewhat flexible or versatile interest in fighting to begin with but not everyone is able to (or wants to) cognitively adapt to others interests. In the end it really depends on how much you just want to meet another person, but if someone is okay with keeping their meetings low and specific instead of agreeing to what other people want, that is perfectly fine. Lifetime is limited, and it's not anyone's job to fulfill other peoples interests. In many cases, it would be better to simply accept the incompatibility when it comes to interests and motivation, rather than trying to be as flexible as possible. If ones goal is just to not be rejected and push numbers here, then I'd agree but I'm not sure if that's a good goal.
Engaging in discussions just for visibility can have a bad return on investment and attract the wrong people. It's highly dependent on the person and the topic. I'd suggest only doing it when it's a topic someone actually wants to discuss.
I agree with the rest, especially the AI part. A MeetFighters profile should resemble the person you are going to meet. Otherwise it just gives off a pure fantasy vibe, which is bad if the actual goal is to meet someone in the real world.
TBLHockeyGeek (90 )
5 days ago(In reply to this)
For real... I just recently got told by another user that he wasn't interested when I reached out and that "it was probably his loss" (which, is kind of a sarcastic remark but probably a response he's gotten in the past by folks who he turns down) I just responded back with "hey, if you aren't interested you aren't interested no one should be giving you a hard time about that" and just left it at that. While I'm disappointed as we have a few mutual past opponents and I think we'd have at least a decent time - I'm not hung up on it enough to talk shit about him to other people or let it get to me.
Hell, I reached out to years ago to a guy on here when I first moved to Tampa Bay who turned me down with the reasoning that he's only into bigger dudes. Totally fair, completely valid reasoning, and again while I was disappointed I thanked him for responding back and moved on. Years later he reached out to me asking if I wanted to meet up and honestly I had the best time with him even though that meet left me sore for a few days (in the best way - he really worked me over and I stood no chance against him). I brought it up during that meetup if he had forgotten that I had reached out to him a few years prior and that he had turned me down - we laughed about it and we still talk to this day off and on. If I had taken it personally or tried to get back at him when he reached out to me years after he had originally turned me down... I wouldn't have been able to have this great meetup with him.
I'll admit I don't always respond to folks or stop responding to them that reach out to me but mainly it's because they ignore everything in my very wordy but very through profile. Sometimes even if a discussion is going I get bored or I feel that it's going nowhere or just get weirded out by something that was said or just plain lose interest. I do that because some people's reactions when getting turned down... is well, unhinged. And I've had that happened to me... but I just move on and not see the need to go on a world tour smear campaign against that person or write a blog post about and ultimately look like a crybaby bitch.
Wrestling Ace (56)
6 days agoA lot of good points have already been made, both in the original post and in the replies, but I’d like to add my own little contribution.
Whenever you interact with someone (whether you’re reaching out, accepting a request or declining one) try to do so with empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Am I being too blunt? Am I being too pushy? Am I making someone uncomfortable without realising it? If you’re unsure, ask. A little kindness, honesty and clarity can go a long way.
Respect your own boundaries, but respect those of others, too. Nobody owes anyone a wrestling session or a connection, but we can all choose to treat each other with consideration. We can’t control how others behave or what they think of us, only how we choose to behave ourselves.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet some truly wonderful people here, and I’ve had very few bad experiences in comparison. I think it’s important to remember that, because we often give rejections and silences far more weight than they deserve, especially when we start seeing them as a reflection of our worth, but you don’t need to be liked by everyone. Sometimes, you’re simply not the right match, and that’s perfectly fine. Stay open to new connections, participate in the community, and cherish the people who make you feel valued and comfortable being yourself.
Your worth isn’t determined by who chooses you, who replies to you, or who wants to wrestle with you. Don’t let the people who overlook you make you forget those who are genuinely happy to have you around.
Be kind to others, be kind to yourself, and remember that we’re all here to enjoy something we love and hopefully make some good connections along the way.
asconian (14 )
6 days ago(In reply to this)
Empathy is the key idea that summaries almost everything. Good point…
Megawatt (14)
6 days agoI was most struck by your observation: “Be honest. If you want to wrestle with someone, encourage them clearly and sincerely. If you don’t want to wrestle with them, don’t encourage them or leave things vague.” When I first joined MF, a veteran wrestler reached out to me, welcomed me to MF, complimented me on my “pro look”, and started a 2-year exchange of wrestling interests, pictures, and videos. I offered several times to travel to his place on the west coast of the USA, working around a big August corporate event that he managed. But he was always “too busy” - - but not busy enough to prevent him from traveling and meeting other, even newer MF members during this exact time. I finally concluded that he had no intention of meeting me and was somehow getting off on stringing me along. An unfortunate lesson to learn early in my MF career but fortunately, the vast majority of my MF interactions - - whether just chatting or meeting for a match - - have been extremely positive and fun.
fighterfan (0)
6 days agoKind and true words mate.
NoviusInfernalBerserk (4)
6 days agoBeing rejected, ignored, or blocked just means incompatibility, and the sooner you find out, the better. This kind of rational and functional mindset is the best way to handle rejection. Whatever the reason may be, it does not matter at all. All that matters is the incompatibility that exists as a fact. The best way to deal with it is to just accept it and move on. If it really bothers you, you can simply block the other person in order to not see their profile again. That's not personal. It's functional.
Some of us also want to spar or test ourselves with someone who presents a certain similarity, and that's okay. I personally reject people below 20/above 50. I mostly look for people between 25 and 45, and in general, it's more about whether someone would make a good athletic challenge. "All of us are amazing" is a highly emotional statement, but not everyone is built to spar a 90–100 kg guy. If I need to be overly careful with someone because they only weigh 60–80 kg and are completely inexperienced on top of that, there's barely anything I get out of a meeting from a learning perspective. On the flip side, I also don't expect a highly experienced MMA fighter or someone weighing 110+ kg to be interested in a sparring session with me.
I personally refuse to respond to every simple "hi" nowadays, since my profile clearly mentions that I'm only interested in interaction when it's realistically possible to meet. I share enough information on that and what I'm looking for. That need for meaningless interaction might be completely one sided, but at the end of the day, every interaction here is transactional. Being a people pleaser for the sake of others is never a good strategy when it comes to one's own mental health.
The traveling warning is fair, and especially the past opponent check can indeed be a really good indicator of what someone is interested in or able and willing to adapt to.
TBLHockeyGeek (90 )
5 days agoThere's also a thing about sometimes things come up as well and the need to cancel is there. Work, home, getting sick, and other shit... it happens. Sometimes even just getting weirded out by something you say or how you act or something... sometimes people will cancel on you.
There's a guy that just created another profile (his fifth or sixth now and this one four days ago) just recently after deleting this last time probably about a year ago that is just OBSESSED by a friend of mine that had to cancel on him. He kept saying he's not hung up on it, but every time he has come back he just feels the need to mention the situation to absolutely everyone. Even with me and I tried to be nice to him and try to get him to understand that it wasn't personal and that he just needs to get over it - his response and continued obsession is making it personal. He even went as far as to make a fake account (a supposed friend of his) and sent me someone else's pictures to continue talking about the situation with my friend - I played along until I called him out on his usage of a Russian bodybuilder's shots which I found out after Google image searched and then he gave me his "real" shots under the lie that he's afraid to put himself out there (later after he deleted that account - supposedly he had to move for work - I stumbled upon those same new photos that was actually an Australian fitness trainer). To continue to talk about the situation every time you create a new profile YEARS later is... well, insane.
There was another friend who literally got tested positive for COVID and was sick as a dog before his meetup after the pandemic shutdown... and rather then possibly get his opponent sick he cancelled and told him the reason why. This person then decided to go on this world tour of telling everyone what an awful person this guy was and, I happened to be in the chat room when this happened, told everyone that a now-defunct wrestling video company that he and I were a part of was actual porn - even though none of the videos sold that by that company had any nudity or anything graphic in any way (except maybe a few fully-clothed groin grabs) - and tried to shame him as a sex worker for being part of it... all the while homeboy had an Onlyfans selling full naked tickling and full sex videos online. It's like getting cancelled on for a legitimate reason just suddenly made him lose all common sense and turn his cancellation as an obsession.
Drain-Me (0 )
3 days agoI feel the same way,
Singletsandspladles (17)
1 days agoThank you for this. It was much of what you said that had me bullied enough to leave for so long and not get the opportunity to connect or meet other guys like me. I came back because of camp wrestlefest and how much i enjoyed teaching the campers to wrestle and give them tips for the erotic aspects. I want that for the gay wrestling community, to be free from the cliquey and popular only boy culture that is still here. And even if it doesnt go away, I do hope your lessons and thoughts about being polite to others stick one day.