joewrestler's blog

Labor Day Weekend has always been an important time in my life.

Labor Day Weekend 2008, I came out as a gay man.

Looking back now, I can see that wrestling and the community I discovered around it played a much bigger role in that decision than I probably understood at the time. I was meeting gay men through wrestling—men who were openly gay and seemed completely comfortable with who they were.

They were dating.

They had friends.

They had partners.

They had homes.

They were going out and having fun.

They were just living their lives.

And that was something I wanted as well.

One of the guys I met through wrestling was part of a couple living together. Over time, our wrestling friendship became more of a friendship outside of wrestling. Early on in our wrestling friendship I was invited to their home for a gathering (4th of July)—basically a house party and BBQ.

Lots of people are the house – wrestlers and non-wrestlers just existing. I remember walking in and recognizing some of the guys there from their online profiles. That was such a strange experience.

I had seen these guys on a computer screen, sometimes only knowing them by a profile name or a picture. And now here they were in someone's backyard, laughing, eating, and talking.

They were real people. But what stayed with me most was the couple themselves. They were simply living.
They had a home, friends, a social life, and each other. There was a sense of ease and joy around them. They were just two gay men living their lives.

And something clicked for me. For years in NYC, I had been admiring the queer world from a distance, wondering how I could somehow become part of it.

Now I was getting a glimpse of what that life could actually look like. Maybe I could have that too.

That experience planted a seed.

And on Labor Day Weekend in 2008, I decided to come out to friends and family. Part of what pushed me was seeing the men I had met through wrestling being comfortable with who they were. They weren't hiding. They weren't apologizing. They were living.

I wanted that.

I wanted to be out.

I wanted to date without having to hide it.

I wanted to experience New York in a completely different way.

Wrestling had given me a way into a community I didn't know existed. But more importantly, the people I met through wrestling showed me something I had been missing: the possibility of simply being myself.

Looking back, it's almost incredible that all of this started with a magazine hanging on the wall of a Bronx bodega.

I thought I was discovering wrestling. I was also discovering the community. And somewhere along the way, I discovered myself.
Who knew I had such a dominant personality in me and enjoyed dishing out a lot of punishment, or receiving it :). 

That old iPhone reminded me of all of it—the pictures, the emails, the conversations, the plans to meet, and all those little pieces of a life that seemed so far away.

At 53, looking back on it all, I realize that the younger version of me was slowly finding his way.

He just didn't know where he was going yet.
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A Note About the Wrestling Community

I want to acknowledge that not everyone I’ve met through wrestling identifies as a gay man, and not everyone who does identify as gay is out. People have different circumstances, different lives, and different reasons for keeping this part of themselves private, and I believe those choices deserve to be respected.

Over the years, I’ve met and become regular wrestling buddies with guys who live very different lives from mine. For some, being friends with other wrestlers or bringing their wrestling life into their everyday world simply wasn’t an option. They needed to keep that part of their lives as separate and private as possible.

That doesn’t make their enjoyment of wrestling any less real.

One of the things I’ve come to appreciate about the wrestling community is that it brings together people from all kinds of backgrounds and circumstances. Some are completely out and comfortable being open about it. Others keep wrestling as a private part of their lives that exists separately from everything else.

There’s no right or wrong way to navigate it.

My story is simply my story—how discovering wrestling/erotic wrestling eventually introduced me to people, community, and ultimately helped me understand and accept myself. It’s not meant to suggest that everyone’s journey looks the same.

Thank you all!

At 53, I somehow found myself going down a rabbit hole into my own wrestling past. In the best order I can possibly recall all this. 

I came across an old iPhone (first generation 2007 ), charged it up, and started looking through what was still on it. Before long, I was buried in old wrestling pictures, emails, and years-old conversations from the mid-2000s—messages about wrestling, trading pictures, and trying to arrange matches. It also led me to my Gmail address I had many years ago and I have created a folder "wrestling" to save correspondence, photos, and a few videos. 

It was like opening a time capsule. And it got me thinking about where all of this started.

It's funny how something that seems completely random at the time can eventually become part of a much bigger story. For me, what put me on the path to discovering the wrestling community was a magazine in a Bronx bodega.

I knew from very early on that watching pro wrestling was a major turn-on for me, like many of us here. I just couldn't imagine the world I was going to discover years later.

I believe it was sometime in the early 2000s. I had spent the evening wandering around New York City – West Village. I used to do that a lot—walk around and quietly admire the queer world around me in the West Village.

I wasn't out as a gay man yet, but I very much wanted to be part of that world.

On my way home, I took the #2 train back to the Bronx and stopped at the bodega near White Plains Road and Pelham Parkway South, like I had done countless times before, to grab a soft drink and walk home.

High up on the wall was a large gay magazine. It was the kind of big, catalog-style magazine that immediately caught my attention. For whatever reason, I decided to buy it.

I remember being extremely nervous purchasing a magazine like that in public, with people around me. But I think I was getting to a point where I just didn't care anymore.

Inside was an advertisement for CAN-AM Wrestling. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

What really caught my attention was the web address to the CAN-AM Wrestling website . The internet was still fairly new, and suddenly I had an address that seemed to lead to a world I didn't even know existed.

I couldn't wait to get to a computer.

Within a few days, I found one and typed in the address. It felt like I was unlocking a secret. I spent hours on that website and eventually ordered a few VHS tapes. When those packages arrived at my door, I swear it felt like I'd won the lottery.

Through CAN-AM, I discovered BG EAST and eventually a whole collection of other wrestling websites. Some were actual businesses, others were personal websites created by guys who were fascinated by wrestling and wanted to share their experiences and matches. I would also spend hours looking through Nick's Hillside Wrestling Camp weekends websites. 

The early internet was strange that way. You could stumble across something incredibly specific and suddenly realize there was an entire community built around something you thought you were experiencing all by yourself.

So I wondered if I could find anyone in my area into wrestling. For whatever reason, I started looking on Craigslist. I found a few posts and spent weeks trying to build up the courage to respond. Eventually, I discovered guys actually looking to meet other guys for wrestling.

After some back-and-forth, I found myself out on Long Island meeting a guy for my first wrestling match. He turned out to be a really nice guy, and the experience was positive—and a lot of fun.

At some point while we were talking and just hanging in his condo, he showed me a wrestling personals website that many of us would come to know as "Global."

I couldn't believe how many guys from all over were on that website.

A few months later, I finally created my own profile. I was terrified.

I was still not out, and putting myself out there in this way felt like a pretty big step. But that profile introduced me to a whole new group of people, including NJWoodbridge, who became my first meeting and connection through the wrestling personals website.

We met and had a great time. Over the next few years, we met several more times, and he introduced me to other guys who eventually became regular wrestling buddies.

Looking back now, it's amazing to think about how much came from that one magazine.

A magazine led to a website.

The website led to VHS tapes.

The tapes led to more websites.

Those led to Craigslist.

Craigslist led to my first match.

And that first match led to friendships and a community I never knew existed.

But as I would eventually discover, those friendships were about to lead me somewhere much bigger than wrestling.

They were going to help me find a part of myself that I'd been keeping hidden for a very long time.
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I'm curious to know how some of you discovered this world...

I also find myself wanting to hold on to some of these things because, getting old I guess, not sure. Or is it all in the past and I should let it go – just keep the memories in my head as long as I can? 

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Next Post – Part Two
Grappling with Who I Am: How Wrestling Helped Me Come Out