joewrestler's blog

Labor Day Weekend has always been an important time in my life.

Labor Day Weekend 2008, I came out as a gay man.

Looking back now, I can see that wrestling and the community I discovered around it played a much bigger role in that decision than I probably understood at the time. I was meeting gay men through wrestling—men who were openly gay and seemed completely comfortable with who they were.

They were dating.

They had friends.

They had partners.

They had homes.

They were going out and having fun.

They were just living their lives.

And that was something I wanted as well.

One of the guys I met through wrestling was part of a couple living together. Over time, our wrestling friendship became more of a friendship outside of wrestling. Early on in our wrestling friendship I was invited to their home for a gathering (4th of July)—basically a house party and BBQ.

Lots of people are the house – wrestlers and non-wrestlers just existing. I remember walking in and recognizing some of the guys there from their online profiles. That was such a strange experience.

I had seen these guys on a computer screen, sometimes only knowing them by a profile name or a picture. And now here they were in someone's backyard, laughing, eating, and talking.

They were real people. But what stayed with me most was the couple themselves. They were simply living.
They had a home, friends, a social life, and each other. There was a sense of ease and joy around them. They were just two gay men living their lives.

And something clicked for me. For years in NYC, I had been admiring the queer world from a distance, wondering how I could somehow become part of it.

Now I was getting a glimpse of what that life could actually look like. Maybe I could have that too.

That experience planted a seed.

And on Labor Day Weekend in 2008, I decided to come out to friends and family. Part of what pushed me was seeing the men I had met through wrestling being comfortable with who they were. They weren't hiding. They weren't apologizing. They were living.

I wanted that.

I wanted to be out.

I wanted to date without having to hide it.

I wanted to experience New York in a completely different way.

Wrestling had given me a way into a community I didn't know existed. But more importantly, the people I met through wrestling showed me something I had been missing: the possibility of simply being myself.

Looking back, it's almost incredible that all of this started with a magazine hanging on the wall of a Bronx bodega.

I thought I was discovering wrestling. I was also discovering the community. And somewhere along the way, I discovered myself.
Who knew I had such a dominant personality in me and enjoyed dishing out a lot of punishment, or receiving it :). 

That old iPhone reminded me of all of it—the pictures, the emails, the conversations, the plans to meet, and all those little pieces of a life that seemed so far away.

At 53, looking back on it all, I realize that the younger version of me was slowly finding his way.

He just didn't know where he was going yet.
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A Note About the Wrestling Community

I want to acknowledge that not everyone I’ve met through wrestling identifies as a gay man, and not everyone who does identify as gay is out. People have different circumstances, different lives, and different reasons for keeping this part of themselves private, and I believe those choices deserve to be respected.

Over the years, I’ve met and become regular wrestling buddies with guys who live very different lives from mine. For some, being friends with other wrestlers or bringing their wrestling life into their everyday world simply wasn’t an option. They needed to keep that part of their lives as separate and private as possible.

That doesn’t make their enjoyment of wrestling any less real.

One of the things I’ve come to appreciate about the wrestling community is that it brings together people from all kinds of backgrounds and circumstances. Some are completely out and comfortable being open about it. Others keep wrestling as a private part of their lives that exists separately from everything else.

There’s no right or wrong way to navigate it.

My story is simply my story—how discovering wrestling/erotic wrestling eventually introduced me to people, community, and ultimately helped me understand and accept myself. It’s not meant to suggest that everyone’s journey looks the same.

Thank you all!