sweatyfuntaps's blog

Sometimes I’m only given one chance by others to prove myself. It’s up to me if I want to give more than one chance. I’ve come to realize there’s been instances where I’ve given others too many chances. I never intend to come across as desperate. However, I’m one of those 150% extroverts who can be the life of the party (even sober) but also have a serious case of FOMO that never goes away. I want things to work out and never miss out on anything. Yet, I have faced a fair amount of rejection throughout my life. Family, potential dating relationships, and even wrestling.

I desire to play nice in the sandbox and on the wrestling mat. It seems the trick is just getting out there with others willing to join me. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m in my 40s, not the perfect body which is in process, and I can be into some more “outside the norm” fun. Nothing too intense, always safe & sane. I don’t have the highest pain threshold, but I do just have quite an imagination. I guess it can get the best of me and become too much for others. So, instead of having every hour of Chicago Wrestlefest planned out, I just have to stay flexible. I’m a bit of a planner by nature. I guess liking structure is one of my quirks.

I had the absolute joy of having a match while I traveled to my neighboring state of Arizona last weekend. We had talked for a couple of months, a lot earlier on. Then, it was more of me just attempting to check-in. It turns out they are just rather busy and not responding to messages on a wrestling meetup app isn’t always top of mind for them. He was strong, but I was feisty. He was very easy on the eyes. We complimented each other’s gear. We went some rounds, then just legitimately enjoyed each other’s company.

Something about this meeting reinvigorated my passion to want to engage and even be a pioneer in this kink wrestling community. There are fests for wrestlers in a lot of places, except for the West Coast. This is likely due to everything just being expensive. I have to at least try to see what is possible. 

This match that brought my spark back was planned in part by my first attempt at utilizing the recently added “Future Opponents” feature here on MeetFighters. Like I said, it took some following up just to accept our match in the formal sense, but we had already moved well past me sending a “challenge” and him tentatively accepting it back with a warm greeting. Now, what got awkward was others seeing the post and inviting themselves to our match, moving it to a 3-person meeting. That additional person kept asking if I had had more from my original opponent. Instead of being the guest of honor visiting town, I was the middleman messenger. Even more awkward was that the third addition was making it clear he did not want to meet up with just me in case my other original partner did not make it. It felt like I was being pressured and uninvited out of my own hotel room where the match was taking place.

I ultimately felt uncomfortable with the dynamic of the third person. It had been a bit “touch and go” with my originally committed opponent, but the day before the match, he messaged me on MF, exclaiming his excitement for our match. He kept his commitment, but just has a different communication style. I ultimately had to cut off contact with the third person, as it was just complicating matters, along with just not remaining respectful of my time. Again, I held up my original commitment as did my opponent. We were mutually rewarded with an enjoyable match, both getting aroused moments before with the anticipation. Now, he is one of my verified “past opponents”. I hope that we can be repeat opponents and we have MF to thank for that.

I find that to some, though, the future match feature is just more an expanded version of a “challenge” that some people are still unsure about. Once you accept the match request from your future opponent and they left it marked public, then it’s there rotating on MF homepage for all to see. I did it as more self-motivation that I’m trying to put myself out there and be more active in the wrestling community.

I’ve had very nice dialogue over the messaging inbox on MF, where other Wrestlefest participants and I have agreed to terms on a date/time/style of match, so I felt compelled to “lock it in” with a future opponent’s invite. A handful of times now, it has sat in limbo for around a week and then has gotten cancelled. I make a follow-up inquiry to clarify if perhaps we are still on for our original arrangements, and perhaps they just did not want it displayed publicly on MF. Still nothing… which makes me believe they had no original intention of having a match with me. The other possibility, with me again giving them a chance to prove me wrong or give benefit of the doubt, is that their calendar literally could be so full that they are having challenges keeping their WrestleFest plans “straight”. In a few cases though, before “cancelling” the match entirely, they could go to my profile, tap on the envelope to see the friendly messages we exchanged in effort of making it happen in the first place.

The only other thing that I can account for is constantly revolving priorities. A certain look or match style catches their eye… for all of about 5 minutes until someone else comes along and establishes precedence. As for me, I will always follow through with my match commitments. Life does happen, but I’m never shy about showing the proof either.

So, this theoretically could have discouraged me from even going. Then, I’d be letting the potential rejection get the best of me. I’d be letting those who “forfeited” their match with me to ultimately win by letting them control me. Nope, I’m all in, baby! Nothing is holding me back. I just have to keep myself “tame” and flexible, and then I know the opportunities will come along. It was not wrestling-related, but within 30 minutes of arriving at my hotel last weekend, I had a meet-up with a young student who is very into “bears”. So… I don’t really need to be someone I’m not. I don’t need people’s approval to be me. I can be my full, unapologetic self at all times. If people want to pass me up, then it’s their loss.

Now, if I come to CWF for 4 days and only have 2 matches… then I could very well conclude that it’s just not conducive to my wrestling and kink journey, but the content and very premise seem to be right up my alley. Even if I’m perfectly conditioned or ripped, I can see myself having a good time. If I get shunned in a community where we already have to fight for acceptance, well then it will be truly “one and done”. I probably wouldn’t even try the other cities.

Again though, I do try to stay optimistic even after facing rejection that I will find my people to vibe and groove with in less than two weeks. That said, I’m still open for some private arches, even on the full days Saturday & Sunday. I’ve got all the following gear that I don’t want to use as just “one and done”.

9 wrestling singlets with #10 on the way, including official WF Chicago singlet

3 rashguards (long sleeve) including one WF official

1 short sleeve compression shirt that closely resembles the CWF light blue branding

4 sexy jockstraps & 1 with referee stripes!

2 pairs athletic (drill) shorts

2 wrestling headgear sets

2 sets of new elbow sleeves

1 set of new knee pads

3 pretty sexy (so I’ve been told) pairs of Jockmail designer boxer briefs

My first actual speedo (royal blue)

My first actual thing (neon light blue)

Leather lanyard for ID/cash at Eagle once I check my clothes

Oh, how can I forget… very special “alternative” gear for Eagle.

One of my singlets was custom-made for me, my character, screen name, or persona for Eagle.

Annnnd… BJJ dummy and filling on the way. I already have puzzle mats. Want to upgrade to full-size regulation wrestling mats after WrestleFest. I figure then more will know my level of commitment and make the time to meet up for matches. I need to start drilling now, though.

So, yep… I’m committed… invested… and a bit determined to get better and have fun while doing it! I’ll try not to over-do it, but at least I’m not overbooked.