ChrisWrestling's blog

I'm writing this because this seems to be a growing trend over the last couple years or rather more people seem to be doing it to me than they used to and that is fantasy imposition (yes I am coining a phrase).  What this is is the practice of reaching out to someone, starting a conversation, taking it in the direction you want it to go in, the other person communicates that they aren't into that and you keep trying to direct the conversation that way.  When you do that what you're really doing is ignoring the person you are talking to and that person is going to feel like you could be literally talking to anyone and that they don't matter just you and what you are looking for.  What gets really frustrating for me is that after a while of trying to redirect the conversation toward areas of possible mutual interest the person will get angry, defensive, may start gaslighting, they will play the victim and start accusing me of being a dick.  It is stressful to be on this side of it.

Today I had one of those.  Little guy, a Dom in the midwest insisting I travel to him and he opens by talking about the WWE and BGEast and I explained that I don't do pro wrestling, I'm formally trained in submission wrestling and have an interest in collegiate styles as stated in my profile.  He proceeded to try to convince me to do pro, that he would dominate me with no formal training and being half my weight, and then he kept going in that direction talking about using my various holes for his enjoyment.  I asserted that I wasn't going to be interested in what he was describing and the conversation kept going down that road, I offered an alternative that we might both be interested and it was like I said nothing, when I called him out on it he got pissed off, said I was getting testy, I apologized but he kept sending one angry message after another and then blocked me.  

In another instance a guy had reached out from my youtube channel asking for fitness advice and so I said I'd help him and early in our messages he started to send me nudes of himself, supposedly so I could see where we were starting off with and so I told him that I'd prefer he didn't do that, that we can approach this professionally using circumference measurements, bio-electrical impedance testing, and performance metrics.  A couple weeks later, more nudes, more boundary setting and over time it became apparent that he wasn't adjusting his diet, wasn't working out as prescribed and wasn't going to stop sending non-consensual nudes and so I blocked him.

I get that my profile can be wordy depending on the version, I usually rewrite it every 3-6 months to keep it accurate to who I am and what I am looking for at the time, so I get if people don't always read the whole thing but it's really annoying when I feel like someone has looked at my photos and reached out without knowing the first thing about me and it shows.  The whole point of sites like this is finding people with mutual interests but if you're not at least skimming for key words that match your interests then you shouldn't be reaching out to that person.  

Now, I'm not judging that midwest guy for being small or even for not really knowing how to wrestle or wanting to Dom me, I get that a fair amount and we could of come up with practical ways to approach that.  No, the issue was the he reached out, and wrestling wasn't really part of the conversation and neither was any attempt to find common interests at all.  He knew what he wanted and it seemed like he thought he could just keep insisting that this was what he was after and if he just kept talking about it I would change my mind.  If this were in person we'd call this coercion which if it gets to the point of action is actually a type of rape.  Just because the interaction is happening over the internet doesn't mean consent isn't a thing.  If someone says no, I'm not into that, that means no.  You can either move on to someone else who wants what you want or try to find common interests and go from there but continuing to push your fantasies when someone isn't into them is a dick thing to do.

I'm going to close with this partly unrelated thought: every relationship is a two way street, including a master and slave relationship (bdsm context).  The slave wants to be a slave, dehumanized, used, and to serve the master, the master provides that.  In other D/s relationships, subs can and should set boundaries and Doms need to respect the boundaries of their subs and need to ensure the subs are getting what they are looking for out of the relationship (which will be different for everyone).  It seems like a lot of Doms right now look at D/s as purely a one way street and it never has been and that attitude doesn't result in lasting relationships.  There must always be an understanding of what both parties want and these relationships are best when one providing for the other is what the other party wants.  I want to flog you, you want to be flogged.  I want to tie you up and abuse your balls, you asked me to do that for you.  You want to be called demeaning names and slapped around, your Dom wants to treat you like a worthless POS. Regardless of the fantasy it is a "I want this" and a "I want to do this" and if that isn't there then it's just abuse.