ChrisWrestling's blog

I was reading the profile of one of the guys I had the pleasure of teaching during wrestlefest and he did something in his profile I hadn't seen before: He had links to blog entries he had written that breakdown the most common questions he gets.  They are pretty good so you can read them here: https://www.meetfighters.com/synxiec.blog/2016-09-16 https://www.meetfighters.com/synxiec.blog/2015-09-15

I get my fair share of people who reach out to me and I'd say a fifth actually result in a match, 2-3 fifths are from people who have no real purpose for reaching out and just waste time, and the last fifth or so are people with technical questions or are future matches that haven't happened yet.  If the conversation is destined to end with "I wish you were closer" then it's probably a waste of time.  If you are steering people to talking about your kink which the other person hasn't mentioned in their profile, here's another blog for you: https://www.meetfighters.com/ChrisWrestling.blog/2026-06-03

Seriously, before you reach out to anyone please read their profile.  Even if someone reaches out to me the first thing I do is go through their profile.  If your profile is empty, I'm not likely to respond. First I quickly go through your stats, there's rarely anything there that will influence me at all one way or another.  Next I'll read what you write, now you don't have to be like me and write some big novel, in fact those are often counter productive.  100-200 words is about what most people will read, 300 is the high end, mine is around 450 words.

Here are the things people want to know: What style you're into, what gear you like, are you competitive or light.  Are you into one sided matches, if so are you a jobber or a heel.  My god, so many people who like that dynamic don't make it clear what they prefer.  If it depends on who you are with, say so.  This section is good for getting your buzzwords in.  Think about who you want to attract to you and write it with them in mind.  Don't be afraid of being too niche or specific for some things.  People are going to read that and ask questions, or say oooooo, or they may focus on the broader parts of who you are that interest them even if the niche doesn't.  If all you want is your niche, then say so... if someone writes about niche stuff as part of a larger profile, it's usually on the menu, not required.

Have photos.  Photos that show your face are the best but not mandatory.  Make them good photos.  People like to see you and the more you turn them on the more they'll probably take an interest in you.  So many guys here take really unflattering photos that are blurry, reflections in dirty mirrors, are too close, too far.  My suggestion is go through a bunch of profiles and look at the ones that interest you the most and see how you can imitate that.

Join groups on here.  If I see someone is in groups, I'll click to find out which groups they are in.  Sometimes it tells more of your story than what you remember to put in your profile.

Write recommendations even if the other guy doesn't.  When people read those they can see what you appreciated about others and hopefully people can also read what other people liked about you.  

All of this adds up to a more complete picture of who you are and what you are looking for.

So, before you message someone, spend some time finding out about them first from all the info they have made available to you.  No one wants to answer questions answered in their profile nor do they want to answer the same question over and over and over.  For someone who has spent the time filling out their profile, "what are you looking for?" is a frustrating question to get.  I know my profile is long, but you can skim it for your buzz words then read that bit before you reach out.  When you reach out it should have purpose.  If someone says they want to chat in their profile, then start a chat if that's what you want, most people are looking for matches and if you know what kind of match they want then you have the first clue in how to get them to respond to you.  If you are traveling to their area, mention that early.  Like I said, I will look in your profile and if it says you are going to be traveling to my area I will already know but many times when people say they are coming to my area they don't have it in their profile so just say so.

Quick note: I know some people don't mind traveling great lengths to visit others but messaging someone and telling them you want to make a special trip just to meet them isn't as great as it may sound to you.  Here's the thing.  If you get on a 6 hour flight to visit me, that's another 6 hours back, there's money, lodging, etc involved with that.  That means the person you are flying to meet is seriously obligated to meet with you but life happens.  Kidney stones come on rather fast, first hand experience, family members die, the boss asks you to work late, things happen and here you are insisting they meet with you because you spent all this money, flew so far, rented a hotel etc and it doesn't matter what is going on in their lives they are now set up to get an abuse flag on here because they couldn't make it for things that are out of their control.  If you are thinking of flying out to meet someone, try something more like, "I have always wanted to visit Seattle, when is a good time to visit?"  Now the purpose of the trip isn't on them and you being there for a couple days gives them flexibility in case something comes up.  

Keep the conversation on mutual ground for the most part.  There's a difference between bringing up a fantasy or interest and fantasy imposition that I discussed before.  Ask directly about your interest and if they are not into it, they aren't into it go back to what you have in common.  The point of the conversation (in this context) is to meet up so your objective is to look for overlap and make yourself seem fun to roll with. 

As for predictions which are often fantasy imposition or trash talk, for me nothing is less interesting.  I formally trained for 10 years, you met 3 guys off here and you are telling me that you are going to win?  Ok Scrappy Doo, if you say so.  This is, of course, different than messaging me (for example) and telling me you want to scissor the hell out of me because that's the scenario you want to engage in rather than a competitive match neither of us has a real point of reference to predict other than a superficial view of our stats and levels of experience.  Can a 5'5 135lb guy beat me?  Yes, my coach was that small but his experience was light years ahead of mine.  On the flip side, how are you going to beat me?  Then what are you going to do?  Ok, and then what?  And then?  FFS dude, I'm not here to write a script for our match, I'm not here to create a narrative for you to JO too.  If that's what you want, ask for it, don't try to force it in a conversation, that isn't respectful of the other person's time.

These blogs always make me feel like a dick but I want to make one thing completely clear: I'm not saying you can't have someone give you a play by play of a future hypothetical match but if that's what you want you need to ask for it, not push for it one message at a time.  You want a trash talk session, look for someone into trash talk.  You want cyber, look for people into cyber.  There are people out there for you, I promise, but you need to find them rather than making everyone else cater to you.  That being said, don't sell yourself short.  People don't want to hear, "oh you're out of my league and would never be interested in little ol' me..." Hard to say but I'm definitely not interested now.

When should you message people?  Depends.  If you are visiting within 6 months or even up to a year, you can make first contact and provide dates. If you are local, great! If you aren't visiting but you're going to imply they should come visit you, you probably shouldn't bother unless their profile says that's something they do.  If You are going to a wrestlefest and you see them in the attendee list go ahead and reach out and state that you want to roll at the event.  Again, these statements are specifically for if you are trying to get a match.

I haven't found compliments to be particularly effective and I have given them and have received them.  Gushing is particularly obnoxious.  Look, some people aren't comfortable receiving compliments.  Compliments about someone's appearance in an opening message probably aren't going to land the way you want them to.  You can come across as shallow and people aren't here for compliments.  I would build up some rapport focusing on mutual interests before dropping the, "I love the photo of you in that singlet" line, it will come across as more genuine and less like you are only interested in them for their body.

This is not meant to be completely exhaustive on the do's and don'ts of messaging people and people are bound to disagree with a lot of the points I make here.  What I would say to everyone who reads this is to go through the messages that did and didn't workout and reflect on what did work, what didn't.  Think about if you were being focused on your needs and wants or theirs. Hopefully your profiles gave you enough to know what those wants were and where there is overlap and if their profile isn't good then focus the first handful of messages on gathering the information you want to know.  Not, "hi, how are you?", you don't actually care, you are just being polite. You can say it in the first message but don't stop there, get to the point... the conversational hook.  "Hi, how are you?  I'm going to be in _____ in a couple weeks and am looking for people to roll with, (if it's not in their profile) what styles are you into?  What gear do you prefer?" Notice that these are open ended questions, questions that can't just be answered with ok, yes, no, or maybe. Find things to take a genuine interest in.