ChrisWrestling's blog

So, yes, my profile got yet another rewrite which is something I think everyone should do a couple times a year. I find that when I let my writing take a little rest and then I review it weeks or months later I'm more likely to be critical of it and I end up with real world experience that kind of informs me if what I write is having the desired effect.  As I'm sure many people have seen I wrote in the bodyscissor group about my frustrations getting the kind of scenes I want, that despite several photos, blog posts, stories, and explicitly saying it in my description area I'm still being viewed as entirely dominant and exclusively as a competitive grappler.  While I can go down the rabbit hole of how people often confuse the effects of clean technique as being strong or aggressive, just because you can't muscle out of something doesn't mean I'm muscling it to control it, that's a discussion for another day.

One area that supports this image of being competitive actually often comes down to how I am as a sub/jobber: you're either controlling me or you're not.  Putting a piece of double sided tape in someone's palms then pressing them together may mean the tape is technically holding the hands together but what's doing the actual work is the person's compliance to let the tape restrain them and without much effort they can just pull their hands apart.  When I say I want to be controlled I mean that I want to be controlled.  This actually helped fuel the youtube channel, actually (on the mf website the link is the house at the top of my profile description), in some ways I was being self serving by trying to help people reach the level where they could dominate me legitimately.

Ok, for the elephant in the room, I have recognized for years that when it comes to BDSM, my branding as a switch has always been interpreted as me being a Dom. For some reason I have treated it as if it would be different here than in that community.  In reality, you look at my recommendations and you can see that almost everyone sees me as a heel, as a Dom and the same is true for when people reach out to me.  I almost never get people who actually want to destroy me.  There are certainly trash talkers who will say that but only so that I will go harder on them.  In the rare occasion that someone does what to Dominate me I have told them they may need to tell me not to defend and just take it if I start fighting back.  The elephant in the room is that I love being constricted.  I don't want to tap and be released, I want to be tortured.  Bodyscissors and spandex were my first wrestling interests as far back as Jr. High, bearhugs came a little later but unlike bodyscissors to this day I have never been carried in a bearhug for more than a second or two and they were never devastating.  The time that it was was on the ground and ribcrusher was driving his weight into me while squeezing which made it horrible and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, I really love actually wrestling and being a heel and everything that comes with the role I have been in but just like with "mainstream" BDSM it becomes hard to be the heel all the time when your sub needs aren't getting met.

Much of this has been unintentional self sabotage and I have been afraid of leaning too far one way or the other and wrote my profile to be balanced between the different parts of who I am but what that has ultimately meant is that what people have seen is an unbeatable competitive heel.  I'm nervous about presenting as sub forward because I don't want to scare off one group over the other.  One person did mention in response to my post in the bodyscissor group that my shyness about my love of getting squeezed is unfounded and while on this site I think they're mostly right I am not exclusively who you see on this website.  I was in a 10 year D/s relationship as a puppy, I am a bdsm switch, I am in an incredibly accepting community where no one else is into this.  The wrestling community is scattered everywhere and aren't the people I interact with on a day to day basis and because no one really seems to understand this kink (and are certainly not into it) I find myself to be an outsider among outsiders.  I have tried on grindr, fetlife, sniffies, and recon to find people to play with and have been outright called a freak.  Important people in my life who know I'm like this actively ignore it or pretend it isn't as big of a deal as it really is to me. This site is mostly a safe space for it and there are like-minded people here but we are few and far between especially when it comes to actually meeting up when what I really need is someone regular.

So how much of a freak am I really?  Well, I do have fantasies about being coiled by a literal python.  When I read the story about the woman in Thailand who survived while being coiled up for 2 hours I was actually jealous. I'm glad she survived, don't get me wrong but part of me would have gladly traded places with her.  I think this drives home much of what I have said in this post, that I want to be in scissor/squeeze scenes where I really do feel helpless.  When people have offered or played with me when it wasn't their kink oftentimes it feels like they see it as foreplay, that they don't have to go hard, and that all they are really trying to do is to get me turned on for fucking but that's not the point for me, it really is the helpless submission.  I usually emphasize that what I really want in a Dom is someone who does it for their own enjoyment.  A python doesn't care about the enjoyment of it's prey.  I do want them to care about my safety and well being but prefer indifference when it comes to my enjoyment, whether or not I'm aroused. The suffering should bring them joy and should be their motivation for doing it. If it's about my enjoyment I'll just be self conscious and can't get into it.

Anyway, that's why I have rebranded.  I'm not sure it will make any difference but at least I'm putting it out there for now and we'll see if anything comes of it.  Thanks for reading